A random, eclectic mix of thoughts, feelings, observations, and experiences – LIFE

Posts tagged ‘support’

Grief and Memories

It’s horrible when someone close to you dies. It’s just as terrible when the loved one of your loved one dies. To see the person in so much pain. To not really be able to do anything. To know that whatever you say will be pretty cliché. That you really can’t do anything different from the average person in that person’s life. Even though you’re their person. Their one person. It’s a helpless feeling. You can’t compare it to what they are feeling, but you feel like you’re grieving with them. It’s odd. And uncomfortable. And you keep wondering what you should do or say. How you could make them feel better, somehow. You want to fix everything. Make them smile. You them to know that the memories will last forever, and the time will come when they will be able to look back and smile and/or laugh. Memories won’t always bring tears.

You want to say so much, but can’t. You know that they’re being over-talked. You know that people are saying things to them all the time. Sending them messages all the time. The same things you would say. So you’re lost. You feel like what you do and say should be special. But WHAT?! There’s really nothing. All you can do is be there. Be present. Love them. Hold them. Wipe their tears. Listen to them when they want to talk. Talk to them when they want distraction. Hold their hand through it all. It’s so easy, but so hard, because you’re over-thinking it. All anyone really wants during a time of grief is room to grieve, however they choose to do it. Comfort when they need it. And knowing that someone is always there. And memories are always there. Always.

 

I find that funerals are good for closure. It’s hard to plan. It’s hard to get ready for. It’s hard to attend. But the funeral is where people say their final goodbyes, and really come to terms with it.  There have only been a few deaths in my family. My grand-uncle (a stand-in father for me, and adopted father of my dad), my uncle (aunt’s husband), my grandfather, and my grandaunt. With all of them, I cried when I found out what happened. I cried for me, I cried for the future without them, I cried for the people close to them. I didn’t go on crying for days. I did have little moments. But most of the time, I was fine. It was at their funerals that I really, really cried. The grief and sorrow welled up and overflowed. Every sad face, every mention of their names, every fond story shared, every cry I heard around me, every hymn the church sang. They were drips into an already-full well, waiting to be emptied. I often wonder why people choose sad songs for funerals. The typical funeral songs that make people cry. Now, after a few funerals, I realize that we need to cry, a lot of times. A lot of people hold back for a long time for various reasons. Trying to be strong for others, busy with making arrangements, feeling to old to cry, feeling to manly to cry… Funeral hymns break all of that down. And people can release their loved ones into the universe. People can realize that they are out of the world, but not out of our hearts.

At my grandfather’s funeral, my dad asked the priest to sing How Great Thou Art, because it was one of my grandfather’s favourites. It’s not a typical funeral hymn, but I cried. That was when I really cried. We all did. To this day, when I hear that song, my eyes well up.

This Life Is Worth Living (Day 7 of 30 Days of Truth)

Day 7 – Someone who has made your life worth living for

There are so many great people in my life. I’ve had great support all my life, from family and friends. Different people have contributed to my life, supported me, taught me lessons, made me feel better, saved me, and been present when need the most at different points and in different situations. To single anyone out would be unfair. It would also be a little ridiculous to say that one person has made my life worth living. If someone had to make my life worth living, I should probably just perish, no? I think it’s enough to say that people have made trying times more bearable, given me more than my share of laughs and smile, supported me, built me up… You know… That stuff.

I guess I should start dishing out some credit…

Ma – ALWAYS there. Always. She’s 91 years old, and still the strongest person I know. Period. Always available, always willing and able to help, always to-the-point, always honest, always sincere, always always.

Auntie – There to listen, there to advise. Asks questions to provoke thought. Makes suggestions. And sandwiches. Does a lot of cooking and feeding. And praying.

Parents – Always do the best they can, denying nothing that is in their power.

Siblings – Multi-everything. All so different, but have and share the same love, care, and concern. Super-support. Drop anything at any moment to help me cry, take me home, bring me a meal, or share a good joke.

TEverything I ever wanted and needed in my life, whether I knew it or not. The Love of My Life. If I say much more, this would end up being a separate post because once I start, I find it hard to stop. My Babe is just the most amazing person. The most perfect person. For me. And only me.

I don’t want to get into listing friends separately… They know who they are. They know that I value a good little pow-wow. A listening ear. A devil’s advocate. A good story. A trip to the beach. Or ice cream shop.

Little things in varying combinations make up the big ol’ thing that is life. And it IS worth living. It’s just that the people we let in add different kinds of special. Like herbs and spices add flavour to a pot.