A random, eclectic mix of thoughts, feelings, observations, and experiences – LIFE

Posts tagged ‘stress’

Thankful Thursday

This week, Thankful Thursday is difficult. I’m having a rough time. I’m not meeting any of my goals, really. I haven’t been running or writing. Hell. I’ve hardly even been reading. My work days have been very exhausting. When I get home, I really have to drag myself to the shower. I am fatigued by the people I work with. I am convinced that there are all different brands of crazy. Nothing is good enough. Nothing is done fast enough.

Really, everyone is stressed. The event is in 3 weeks. It seems that the committee/board does not handle pressure well. At all. They all fold, crumble, or become as stiff as a board. It’s ridiculous. I’m not the type to freak out. No matter what. The world could be falling apart around me, but I would maintain my cool, and think about the next step. I think it freaks them out that I don’t freak out. It must translate as I am nonchalant and nothing moves me. It’s not that. It’s just that I will not be shaken, and I will not fall apart.

Here are some examples (and feel free to skip them if you like) of the silly things that have been going on and piling up in my mind:

-They asked me to produce a weekly report stating what I have done all week, and what I plan to do the next week. I have done this in MS Word and emailed it to them every Friday. A few months in, one of them emailed me asking that I do not use attachments, but put it in the body of the email as the attachment creates too much work. Fine. I still did it in Word for my own records, and copied and pasted it to the body of the emails. A few months ago, they all got gung-ho about Google Docs (which I HATE). Fine. They decided that sending a bunch of separate threads of emails is crazy. Let’s just share everything in Google Docs. Whatever. So I’ve been uploading my reports to GoogleDocs and sending email notifications of it. Yesterday, S asked me, “What happened to your reports?” Uh… What?! Apparently, for months now, they have all been under the impression that I just stopped doing them. She wanted to know why I stopped sending them individual emails. WHAAAAAT?! Excuse me while I put myself in timeout.

-I’ve been organizing the delivery/collection of promo items from sponsors to be included in participant bags. One of the sponsors I’ve been dealing with for MONTHS just dropped a bomb on me. Their promo items won’t be delivered until next week Thursday. We’re stuffing the bags on Monday and Tuesday. This is a problem. Guess what. The committee thinks this is my fault. Forget that I have called the sponsor numerous times AND emailed with the deadlines. Forget that I left messages for them from Thursday of last week until Tuesday while they were away. Forget all of that. It is MY fault because *I* didn’t translate the urgency to them. HA! I emailed the overall coordinator who is receiving all items since we are stuffing bags at her house. It said, “Good morning [Woman], I just received a response from [Sponsor] on the [promo item]. They will be delivered next week Thursday.” This email is a huge problem because I did not state explicitly that this a problem and does not work with our current schedule for bag stuffing. Why is that necessary again? Do we not all know the schedule? They can’t CHANGE the delivery date MAGICALLY, ok? We have to work with what we’ve got. We may have to drop that item in the bags later, or hand them out with the bags, or have participants collect them at the start line. No, it’s not as seamless, but it CAN WORK. What will not work is harping on the problem.

-They were under the impression that I have not been checking in on the signs we’re having done/revamped. In reality, I have emailed him at least twice per day. I have been calling him at least once per day. He now answer the phone, “Hi, Alicia, from [organization name].” I told S (who called the meeting) that I have been in constant communication with him. She had no response so A (who was just sitting there, doing whatever, listening – I have no idea why she was even there other than to be entertained) said, “Yes, but we don’t know that you’re doing these things. You never told us.” Ok. So in addition to the weekly reports, I should create a GoogleDoc detailing the time I spend emailing/calling people? Please. Do not do this to me.

You know what… At the end of the day, I am thankful for a few things.

  • I know myself.
  • I know that I am competent.
  • I know that I am intelligent.
  • I do not feel the need to overcompensate for issues that people have that really have nothing to do with me.
  • I know my worth.
  • I know that I deserve to be treated with respect.
  • It is not my fault when someone else screws up. It doesn’t matter if it is a committee member, a founder, a sponsor, a supplier, or a participant. I will not hold myself responsible for another person’s mess.
  • I continuously go above and beyond the call of duty.
  • All of my work is a reflection of me, my abilities, and my work ethic. What other people see or know me to be doing is not. That is not the entire picture.
  • There is no need for me to detail everything that I have done when my tasks are clear, and completed as given.
  • There are more opportunities available to me than I can imagine.
  • I have to sit in the driver’s seat of my life. That includes my career.
  • All that glitters is not gold.
  • I need to find a way out.
  • I need to be prudent. My next few decisions must be made carefully.

Enough about me! How about you? What are you thankful for?

Five Question Friday

1. Will you run to the store or to pick up a kid looking a mess?
Looking a mess? Not quite. I wouldn’t doll up. A short dress or shorts and a tank would do. I’d put a cap on if my 1 inch hair doesn’t meet society’s standards. Lol. I rolled out of bed one night to get my niece from a party, and I just threw on a short dress and flip-flops. *shrugs* I figure I’m fine as long as I can step out of the car, and manage to put air in the tires.
2. Do you finish a book if it’s boring or you don’t like it?
Never. Babe has tried to get me to read one or two books that I just could not get into. I had to explain to her that reading is something that I do for pleasure. I have always loved it. There are far too many good books out there – books that I can appreciate – for me to waste time fighting through books that I just don’t like. If the first few pages don’t grab me, I don’t see how I can end up liking it. The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo is a prime example (though not Babe’s suggestion). People kept telling me that if I “could just get through the first 100 pages…” Um, what?! No. I’m not supposed to feel like I’m working. The AUTHOR was supposed to do the work. He/She is supposed to make me WANT to read it. Fail.
3. Beach or mountain vacations?
Since I live on an island, I’ll go with mountain vacations. I’d love to be able to climb and hike. I’d still like to have an island vacation (on a different island of The Bahamas) at some point. I think it would be terrible to travel all over the world, but not know/see/experience what is in my own backyard. 700 islands and cays (not all inhabited)… I need to go to at least 5 of them.
4. What thing/event says “winter will end and spring is right around the corner” to you?
When the water gets warm again, I guess. We don’t really have a winter here. When I lived in Halifax, it was tulips. Seeing them pop up always made me smile.
5. Would you prefer couples or family vacation?
I really don’t know. I’ve never had either. I think both would be great. If I had to choose right now, I’d go with couples since we don’t have a family. Yet.
My week has been pretty good. It got rocky yesterday evening. Seriously, it doesn’t take much to change my mood sometimes. I was quite happy and feeling good until ONE comment was made. I’m under a lot of pressure these days, and I’m finding it a lot harder to deal with being told what to do and how to do it, random, unwanted criticism, and negativity. I’m just not in a place to deal with it in a positive way. I’m also not in a place where I can respond to issues as they arise. I am not a confrontational person to begin with, but at this time, I feel that I am a lot more likely to curl into myself. I’m a loner by nature. It’s only by very intentional thoughts and actions that I interact with others. It’s been a work in progress for a long time, and I don’t expect it to just flow every single day. Some days are harder than others, I guess.
I think I may be overdue for a good cry. Or scream session? I am SO not a crier, but because I don’t talk, talk, talk, a lot of things never get out of my system until I actually breakdown and cry. Lucky for me, I’ve been running and practicing yoga. This has definitely been helping. I’m one of those people that needs to be active, and using exercise as a release and refresher. Nothing wrong with that, right?

Took my lunch to the beach. Sat there to clear my head.

This weekend, there were a few things that I wanted to do. Lots of changes have happened with the plans, and now I’m just not interested. I’m not very flexible. I make a conscious effort to be, but right now, I can’t be bothered. When plans change, I get really annoyed, or very uninterested. Especially with things that I talk myself into. For example, a book binding workshop was scheduled for Saturday and Sunday. Help was needed to bind booklets for another event, so teaching people how to do it was an easy way to get help, I guess. I RSVPed on Facebook. A few days ago, they said they no longer need to bind the books, but will host a free workshop anyway, and people can make scrapbooks. Me? No longer interested. Thanks, but no thanks. I have no desire to express any sort of creativity, or to sit around doing something very basic (because I suck at artsy things) while people around me are doing awesome things. No, thanks. I talked myself into doing the book binding thing that would have simply been following instructions. I’m not interested in pressuring myself to be creative, and make my own scrapbook. Screw it.

Ok, whoooa. Lemme slow down. It’s still been a good week. I got a lot of things done. Yes, there is still a lot left to do. Yes, a lot of people have pissed me off this week. Work is getting crazy. The event is 29 days away. Hooolyyy! I’m getting a lot of flack for a lot of things that have nothing to do with me. When I get home, I really just want to relax. But there are things to do. Cleaning. Cooking. I can’t expect Babe to continue to do it all. I really have to pull my own weight. Then, of course, there’s the writing. It has to happen.
BALANCE. BALANCE. BALANCE. Balance is what I’m striving for. It’s always been what I’ve wanted in life. Until this point, I have succeeded. Now, it’s more difficult. I don’t want to say that it’s just not possible for the next 29 days or so. That would be quitting. I can’t quit. I just need to wind down and figure things out. Maybe the weekend (with nothing to do) will help. Maybe.
Random thing I just remembered: My birthday is in two weeks. There are/will be no plans. It will suck. I am (mentally/emotionally) ready.
The silver-lining to all these clouds: I am alive. And living. Not just breathing. And there will always be a better day.
How was your week? Do you have plans for the weekend? How do you express yourself best?