Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn’t learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn’t learn a little, at least we didn’t get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn’t die; so, let us all be thankful. -Buddhist Quote
Honestly, I’m not feeling particularly thankful. I’m actually in a not-so-great mood. It’s not fun. You know… When your mood sucks. I’d rather be happy. I knooow, [mocking tone] haaappiness is a decisionnn. It’s just a decision I don’t feel like making right now. I’m gonna play King of Sorrow by Sade, allow myself to have a moment, and THEN, if I FEEL like it, I’ll decide to be happy. And thankful. Wait right here while I go do that, k?
[King of Sorrow plays as I sing some parts, and just cry during others. Then a few minutes of silence as I get myself together. Wash my face. Drink some water. Clean my glasses. Put them on for the first time today. Look back at the task at hand. Take deeeep breath. Sip more water. Choose to be happy. Think of all the things I should be thankful for, even if I’m not in this moment. Until I AM.]
Okay. I’m ready. It’s another Thankful Thursday, so you know a list is coming, right? Here are things I’m thankful for today:
- Life. My life, although I haven’t managed to like every single minute of it, is not too shabby. I breathe without labour. I have food to eat when I’m hungry. I have clean water to drink, cook, and shower. I have family and friends, and they’re real.
- Healthcare. My grandmother is in the hospital. For the first time in her life (aside from giving birth to her children). Two days ago, she felt very ill. Heart racing, feeling weak, etc. Yesterday morning was worse. The decision was made to call the ambulance. Her blood sugar level was almost 5x what it should have been. I visited her last night. She looked good. She was calm, relaxed, and well-taken care of by the hospital staff, and her children.
- Lunch. Babe made spaghetti last night. I wasn’t hungry by the time I got home, so I didn’t eat. Still, Babe made enough meat sauce for me to have some for lunch today. I just made some noodles this morning, and BAM! Lunch. (I love bringing lunch from home, and very much dislike buying lunch. Especially since the places around here are: hot dog vendors, the worst Chinese food ever, and a sandwich/pasta deli with super salty food.)
- Internet. Keeps me entertained at work, connects me with friends AND new people, keeps me in touch with Babe while we’re apart, loads of information at my fingertips… It’s just great.
- Grams’ humor. My grandmother is super funny. And good-natured. And positive. It cracks me up a lot. Here’s a bit of the exchange I had with her:
Me: Hi, Grammyyy!
Gram: Oh, look who it is! How you doooing?
Me: Nooo, how are YOU doing?
Gram: Me? I’m in TOP SHAPE! [This is her standard answer to the above question, no matter what!]
Me: Top. Shape? Then what are you doing in here?
Gram: Good question. What I doing in here, hey? This ain’ no way to spend a vacation now, is it?
Me: *laughs* No, not at all. *looks around room* You don’t even have an ocean view in this room.
Gram: Yes, I do! Look! *points at picture of a beach scene on wall*
Me: Oh! You do! I see.
Gram: Yes, everyone (minus Chris) was here today. All of them (my 8 children minus Chris) were standing up out there, working on getting me this room. The hospital was full.
Me: Oh, yeah, I heard there were no beds. That’s good you got one. And they were here to make sure you got sorted out.
Gram: Yes. The only one I didn’t see today is Chris. It’s his birthday. We were supposed to be having a party tonight.
Gram: Yes, for his birthday.
Me: Oh, well I guess we’ll have to party later. When we get you outta here.
Gram: Yes, we’ll probably do it for Stevie’s (grandson) birthday. His is on [insert day here].
The woman was in the hospital, making me laugh, and talking about eating crab cakes, mangoes, and having birthday parties with cake. What a woman!
I have to say that I feel much better than I’d decided to feel a few minutes ago. Thinking of the things I’m thankful for and remembering the exchange with Gram… It really put things into perspective. And reminds me that I’m control of my happiness. Sure, there are sucky moments, and there may be times when it’s harder to pick myself up and be great… Sometimes, I may need a nudge from a friend, a lunch packed by my Babe, a nice email/text message, a surprise phone call from a far-away friend, a cupcake, or a can of COOOLLLD Coca-Cola… But at the end of the day, I can WANT to be happy, and MAKE. IT. HAPPEN. For knowledge of this, I am thankful.
HAPPY THANKFUL THURSDAY!
What are you thankful for today?