A random, eclectic mix of thoughts, feelings, observations, and experiences – LIFE

Posts tagged ‘overwhelmed’

Crying the Parking Lot

I’m a crazy lady. This post comes to you from the driver’s seat of the car I’m using. I’m sitting in the parking lot of a restaurant, crying. Really. You know why?

1. I had some not-so-nice thoughts last night. I realized that I don’t have much support in my life. I was used to it, but then people came along, and I trusted them. Against my better judgment. It was better when I had walls up. I did everything on my own, needed no support, and definitely needed no approval or congratulations. I’m headed back in that direction. This way makes no sense. I do not deal well with disappointment. I refuse to talk to people who will use my words as ammunition. Against ME. I do not need anyone to tell me what I can and can’t do. I don’t need to be belittled or put down. I don’t need negativity in my life. I don’t need anyone to tell me that I’m too afraid to make things happen (by the way, all the evidence says the opposite). Or that I will not wake up at the time I say I will. Or that a relationship with me is “trying.” Or that I have too many goals. Or that I’m not smart enough. Or good enough. To hell with everyone and their wretched negativity toward me and my goals. Screw them all. I WILL do whatever I want, whenever I want. However I see fit. And I do NOT see the need to talk about it. It just gives people more to throw in my face. I’m not having it. Not when I know that I am capable of doing what I want. And capable up living in my own little world with 20 foot walls up, all around. Is it the healthiest way to live? Maybe not. But emotional abuse isn’t healthy either. I had enough of it when I was a child, and now, as a grown-ass woman, I will not allow it.

2. I forgot my lunch at home.

3. I ordered lunch at work. Clearly, no one got my email. My lunch was not ordered.

4. Woman at work sent me a ridiculous accusatory email. Shortest version I can tell: I went to her for a cheque (which I emailed her about). She waved me around because she was on a call. I called someone else for permission to pay cash b/c the messenger is in a rush and waiting only on me. (he was doing me a huge favour seeing that he wasn’t supposed to be on the road at all today.) We need to pay for, pickup and deliver something urgent that I only found out about this morning. I’m thinking I solved the problem. She emailed me to “come get the cheque and get things organized.” I reply that I sent cash after getting authorization. Reply: “It would have been nice if you had told me so I wouldn’t write the cheque.” Oh. First of all, the messenger came for the cash right as a scheduled call came through. An overseas call. I was dealing with the call while dealing with him, and he even ended up calling me while I was on the other call. I really couldn’t send an email right then. There is more (expaining why I didn’t/couldn’t), but whatever.)

5. I drove to the restaurant to get what I ordered for my damn self. Of course, they’re all out. I don’t want anything left on the menu. So I walk back to the car. CRYING. My breaking point was a spicy pulled chicken wrap with black beans not being available for my lunch.

This sucks. I LIKE Mondays. *wipes tears* I will be fine. I will find something to have for lunch, and I will be fine. I just really needed to get that out.

I hope your week is off to a great start! 🙂

EDIT: I am now back in my office, after some fresh air. I am currently putting a hurtin’ on a footlong turkey breast sandwich from Subway. I also got a Coke and a chocolate chip cookie. Because I can. And I deserve it. 🙂