A random, eclectic mix of thoughts, feelings, observations, and experiences – LIFE

Posts tagged ‘marriage’

Keep Your Own Marriage Straight

Day 18 – Your views on gay marriage

“With some much sadness in the world, when two people find happiness, it’s a celebration!” [Words of a friend during a conversation about equality, gay rights, and marriage.]

I don’t have views specific to gay marriage. I have views on marriage.

Marriage is a commitment and legal union between and of two people. It’s one of those things that keeps evolving, and lots people kick and scream throughout the evolution as if they are directly effected. It’s quite funny, actually. In a hundred years, people will look back at the fight for/against gay marriage in the same way that we look and scoff at the days when interracial and interclass marriage was a big no-no. The same way that we look at the 1800s when we read about young girls being made to marry older dukes because it would be good for the family.

Do a little research. Look at the history of marriage. This institution that we make a huge deal about. Women were forced to marry male heirs (sometimes close relatives) for money and/or to boost or maintain her family name. Couples were forced together by way of arranged marriage. Marriage “for love” only really came about some time in the 18th century. Even then, there were barriers. If the family said no, it was a no. The 20th century saw the rises and falls of marriage for love. Let’s date! No need to get married though. Oh, wait! Nuclear families are the “in” thing! MUST MARRY! Wait, we’re all on happy juice, wearing our bell-bottomed jeans and t-shirts with peace signs all over them. ALL WE NEED IS LOOOOOVE. *butterfly and glitter float through the air* Marriage? PSSH! And HELLOOOOO, 2000! The ultimate expression of love is marriage with a lavish wedding. Gotta get a ring!

Somewhere in there, marriage become super-religious. How? I have no idea. It’s ridiculous. Which Christian came up with the brilliant idea that marriage is a Christian thing and should follow the rules of The Bible? [Slight tangent: Do we even know those people who wrote The Bible? Didn’t The Bible have an update known as “The New Testament” shortly after the first part? It’s been thousands of years, hasn’t it? Is it not time for a new version? Times have changed even more now than they had between the period of not being able to eat certain meats and suddenly being able to eat them because they were made clean. Right? Anyway, I digress…] I have the same question for every other religion out there that thinks it owns the rights to marriage. It’s LEGAL. Not religious. Now, of course, some of us have religious beliefs that somehow become intertwined with our marriage ceremonies and marriage lives. Fine. To each his own.

I believe that every marriage, gay or not, is separate and unto itself. The people in the union decide what it is all about. Today, we have Make Your Own Rules Marriages. WOO! Fun, right? Pick a guy. Pick a girl. Do it for love. Do it for stability. Do it for fear of eternal loneliness. Do it because you’re pregnant and don’t want to look like a bad person. Do it because you need residency/citizenship. Do it because you’re drunk and really close to a wedding chapel. Do it because you’ve been a relationship for really long and people keep asking what you’re waiting for. Do it because you really just need to live out your dream. Wedding, that is. Do it for whatever reason you like.

As long as the other person in the union is in on it, I cry no foul. It does not effect me AT ALL whether you marry someone of your own race, someone of my race, someone of various races, someone of the male species or the female species. I don’t care. Really, I don’t. I don’t even care if you get a divorce.

That brings me to another point. For the people who think gay marriage somehow brings down the institution of marriage, PLEASE have a look at the people who have been doing it wrong and failing at it for years and years and years. Does that not bring down the institution of marriage?! In any case, how do you need to measure the value of your marriage against marriages of others?! You probably have some issues of your own, and you may want to look into them before you end up in Divorce Court.

Final word on gay marriage – I’m not against it. Actually, I’m for it. And I’ll probably end up being a part of one. *shrugs* Does that affect you at all? Probably not. I think it’s past the time where we need to stop boxing people in. It’s time to stop trying to force people to live by our rules and standards. It’s time to stop trying to make it ILLEGAL for people to go against our beliefs when it does not hurt us in any way. It’s time to LIVE OUR OWN LIVES and be happy, and allow others to do the same. Go to bed with whoever you please at night. Wear matching rings with that person. Have babies. Be legally united. Share income, debt, taxes, healthcare… And be happy. And allow others to do the same.

Better things to be loud and crazy and raise hell about: Cure for cancer, cure for AIDS, reducing cost of healthcare, reducing cost of medication, the social system, consumerism (and methods of advertising, particularly through children), the education system, cost of higher education, illiteracy, lack of water, food, and sanitation (while single people ride around in luxury SUVs and unspeakable amounts of food end up in the garbage), war.

Remember, it’s better to be gay than to be miserable. 🙂

I Know It’s Saturday

I’m doing 5 Question Friday on Saturday. Whatever. Who makes the rules anyway?! Here we go!

1. Vow renewal ceremonies-yay or nay?

Nay. All of the years of marriage are covered in that one ceremony. What’s the point of doing it again? The vows taken do not expire. They are not conditional. Nothing makes them null and void (with the exception of legal separation, divorce, etc., in which case, it would not be a renewal, but a starting-over-and-remarrying). Poverty, sickness, bad times… All covered in the vows. I see no need, no reason, to say it all again. Unless a couple is really looking for a reason to party, wants some attention, or didn’t really mean the vows in the first place. Orrr the first ceremony was a big rush and/or low scale (often the case with unplanned pregnancy), or just-made-sense more than the commitment was actually wanted (often the case when immigration/citizenship is involved). Other than that, nay. Lol.

2. What sound/s annoy you the most?
  • Pencils/markers on paper or cardboard
  • Cardboard scraping against cardboard
  • That hooorrrrrrible clicking/clucking thing people do at the back of their throats. fkj;fdkl;jhgk;hjkdfhjkghj;ghjkbn I hate it!
  • BZZZZZ! Flies, mosquitoes, bees, people… Doesn’t matter who is doing it. Me no likey.
  • The word “no” when I need to hear “yes”
  • The old Nokia ringtone. Can we all PLEASE say goodbye to 2001?
  • Frog croaking (YUCK!)
3. If you had to pick, would you have only all boys, or only all girls for kids?
For goats, I don’t think I’d care. I don’t want goats anyway. For children? That would be horrible. *leans close to microphone* I’d like two and two please.

4. Do you believe in alternative medicine?
What’s there to believe (or not believe) in? I believe in healthy living. Whatever works. Different strokes for different folks, right? Really, whatever makes the most sense. It’d be pretty difficult to kill a rat with a fly swat, and ridiculous to try killing a fly with rat poison.

5. Would you take a family member’s children and raise them if they needed it?
Right away, as long as I am able. As a matter of fact, I’d like to adopt a child, period.

Hopeful Wife and Mother (Day 5 of 30 Days of Truth)

Day 5 – Something you hope to do in your life

Hopes and dreams. Wants and wishes. Aren’t we all full of them? It’s funny, I have so many things that I hope/dream/want/wish to do, yet one really stands out. I want to have a family of my own. I want to be a wife. I want to be a mom. To four or five children.

I’ve always been open to a lot of things in terms of education, career, hobbies… I pretty much know what I like and what I want, but I’m willing to change it up a little. One thing that has not changed since I was a little girl is my desire to have my own family.

I see myself getting up in the morning to make breakfast. Waking up my children. Getting them ready for school. Being a taxi service, driving them to and from school and various other activities. I see myself helping children with homework, making fun snacks, ensuring that meals are well-balanced. I see myself asking, “Did you remember to take your vitamins?” “Did you pack an extra bottle of water?” “Who left the [xyz] in the [abc]?”

I see family portraits. I see holiday dinners. I see family vacations. I see school plays, recitals, report card days… I see all of it.

It’s all very exciting to me. I watch days and years slip by, and watch myself get older, and I wonder WHENNNNN?! Whennnnn is this going to happen? I’m not even married yet. Is it in the future? Sure. I think. When? I don’t know. 

These things, we can’t really plan. I always thought it funny when people would try to plan their lives, and say, “Oh, I’m gonna get married when I’m 25, and when I’m 26, I’ll have my first baby.” I never planned to that extent. I’ve had benchmark-type thingies. I’ve known that I’d rather not start having children when I’m 34. I’d like to be done by that time. I’ve always wanted my children to be 1-2 years apart. I want them to be able to relate to one another, play together, give each other advice, etc. I’ve hoped for 2 boys and 3 girls. I’ve hoped to have at least one boy before the girls come along. But these are all ideals in my head. Nothing is in stone. And I know that it’s something I simply can’t plan. I just have to see how it all turns out. And live with my proverbial fingers crossed. You can cross your for me too. *glances at left ring finger* It looks like I may need it.