A random, eclectic mix of thoughts, feelings, observations, and experiences – LIFE

Posts tagged ‘days of truth’

Pregnant?! Not me!

Day 28 – If you were pregnant, or got someone pregnant, what would you do?

This is pretty cut and dry for me. I’d start prenatal care right away. I would pay more attention to my diet. I would start crunching numbers. It would be difficult to support myself and a child at this staff. It would actually be challenging enough to support myself as a pregnant woman, going to doctor’s appointments, having scans and tests done, and paying for the actual delivery.

I’m sure I would obsess about a few things. Do I want to have the child here, or in the states? Is it possible to have the child in Canada? Do I want a hospital birth? Would I prefer a midwife? Do I need to start eating more red meat? How will I afford anything? Who will help me with the big purchases? What kind of support system will I have?

My family is very by The Book. By that, I mean The Bible. Unmarried and having a baby? No bueno. Major problem. My cousin had a baby at 37, and that was a huge deal. I don’t particularly want to have controversy surrounding my pregnancy. I’d like to have a happy, healthy pregnancy.

Now is definitely not the time for me to have babies. I want children very much, but only under the right circumstances. I need to have a comfortable home, and the ability to financially support them. Babe and I should also have the knot tied (so to speak) before we start popping out babies.

I should note that my views aren’t as stringent as those of family (obviously), and they are not likely to be pleased whenever I become pregnant. At the end of the day, they will accept it because they’ll suddenly recall some scriptures that suggest forgiveness and unconditional love. My great-grandmother would be pleased to have another great-great-grandchild (my unmarried younger cousin beat the rest of us to the deal, and it wasn’t impressive to anyone), and my grandmothers would enjoy being great-grandmothers (though I’ve been beat in both cases – hahaha). My parents and the whole grandparenting thing? Problem won’t be very exciting. Hahahaha. Oh, well. They’ll have to suck it up.

Yep. So now is not the time, but if (and I have no idea HOW) I became pregnant, I would deal with it. I’d figure it out, somehow.

On Giving Up

Day 26 – Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why? 

There have been times when I’ve felt very tired. Exhausted. Completely depleted of all will to continue in the struggle that life seemed to be. I’ve never allowed myself to get to the point where I truly threw in the towel. I’ve had times when I’ve decided to let go out of certain things. Certain people. I let some dreams fly in the wind. Some for a short time, some for a longer period of time, some for good. I’ve realized that everything won’t be rainbows, butterflies, and chicken wings all the time. There are highs and lows. There are great days and not so great days. If it weren’t for the tears, we wouldn’t know the value of the smiles and giggles.

What used to happen to me was a severe overload. Then, there would be a big breakdown. a build-up of everything I refused to share with anyone or deal with at all. I just internalized everything for months and months. Of course, I would come to the point where my cup overflowed. How did I get to that point? Well, like I said, I would pretend like everything was fine. I wouldn’t let anyone in. No one would ever know what was going on with me. I still tend to just get very quiet during more difficult times. It’s hard, even for people who know me well, to know when I’m feeling down because I’m so quiet in general. Mind you, I talk a LOT, but when I FEEL like it. It comes in waves. Hahaha.

These days, I allow myself to feel a little down. I give myself a few minutes to just mope. Be sad. Cry if I have to. Vent if I need to. Blog if I want to. After the allotted time is up, that’s it. No more moping. I move on. Either come up with a solution to the problem, or realize that it must not break me. Then I play a happy song and/or dance, or go for a bike ride, or have a nice, long, hot shower, or eat ice cream, or a combination of things. Sometimes, before that happens, I play a song to help me feel whatever I’m feeling (or trying not to feel). Most times, I end up playing Sade’s King of Sorrow.

A nice gospel song for the down times is this one.

And then this song makes me feel better.

While we’re on this, here’s a new song from Kirk Franklin.

I just don’t understand the pink lipstick. I mean, wear lipstick if you want, Kirk. Whatever. I just think you should try to pick a better colour/shade for your skin tone. That bubblegum pink is just… Wrong.

Lessons:

  • It’s okay to feel down sometimes. It happens.
  • It’s not okay to internalize everything. Yes, some things are private. There are some things we’d rather not share with the world, or people outside of the situation. It’s just important that we express the way that we feel in a harmless way. Talking to someone, writing, painting, physical activity, etc.
  • Music is good. It can make you feel all kinds of ways. It can help you cry. It can make you smile. It can help you to heal.
  • Never allow yourself to wallow in sorrows for a longer time than you’d allow your mother, father, sister, brother, cousin, best friend, husband, wife, girlfriend, or brother to wallow in sorrows.
  • Allow yourself to FEEL. It’s in the nature of human beings, and it is okay.
  • Know yourself. Completely. Be able to make a distinction between a rough day, a rough little while, and depression. Know when you need to reach out to someone for help.

Naturally 7

Day 25 – The reason you believe you’re still alive today.

GRACE. That’s all I can really say on that. Grace. And mercy.

I’m glad this came up. Seems like the perfect time to introduce one of my FAVOURITE bands. They are AWESOME. We all know about acapella. We’ve seen and heard it done a million times. Yes, it can be great. It can be brilliant. But WAIT. There is something MUCH GREATER.

VOCAL PLAY.

This group. Is. AMAZING. They do VOCAL PLAY. Don’t know what that is? Believe me when I tell you that your life is about to get waaayyy better. And your mind may be blown. Actually, I’m pretty sure it will be. And I’m smart. So you’dbetter wear a helmet before you go any further.

The group is called Naturally 7. 7 guys. 7 very good looking guys, by the way. *whistles* They sing with no musical instruments like drums, bass, guitars, pianos, etc. But there IS music. And the instruments are their voices. YES. They MAKE THE SOUNDS OF OTHER INSTRUMENTS. WITH THEIR VOICES. I know you don’t believe. So I’m going to give it to you on a platter. Right now. Taste and see. Well… Watch and listen. Whatever.

My FAVOURITE of the songs they sing is Say You Love Me. This one doesn’t showcase all that they can do, but it’s my favourite, so it has to be the first (with vocal play).

I should have also mentioned by this point that this is a gospel group. The guys are all Christians. None of their music is secular.

This is where your mind will be blown. Please. Take a moment to click (to fasten) the little strappy thing under your chin. I don’t want brain matter splattering everywhere.

Yeah. That’s real. No faking. I saw them in concert TWICE. I kept looking for the hidden stuff. Nothing. It’s all them. I promise you.

Check this out. They really saaaaang this popular song, Broken Wings.

This is another of my favourites. It really shows what they can do. Remind yourself as you listen to this that everything you hear is made up of the voices of 7 guys. That’s it.

Sometimes, they kinda stick to acapella. Like in this song:

Still amazing, right? Yeah, I know. I wish I could take credit for it.

Now, I have to highlight the skills of my personal favourites, because I’m biased like that.

Yeaaaah! Happy Sunday!

Playlist for Babe

Day 24 – Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs.

A playlist for My Baaaabe! 🙂

 

Look At Me Now – Karmin (Cover)

Because from the moment I saw this online, I loved it, and I kneeew you would too. I knew you would get all excited about it, and we would love it together.

 

Stereo Love – Edward Maya feat. Vika Jigulina

Because this song played pretty much every time I was ever at your place.

 

Wavin’ Flag – K’naan feat. will.i.am, David Guetta

Because every time I hear it, I hear you singing it, putting that “magic” special spin on it.

 

Power – Kanye West

Because one of the first times we went out, when I took you back to your place, you insisted that I had to see this video. We talked about this song in depth on the car ride to your place. It was hilarious. Annnd I know you still don’t remember that night.

 

Just The Way You Are – Bruno Mars

Because you are the most effortlessly beautiful person. Period. I really could kiss your lips all day, and I DO love your laugh… Your eyes do put the stars to shame… Perfection is what you are. Perfect to me. And for me. You’re amazing.

 

Only Girl – Rihanna

Because this is this way I want to feel forever. The way I want it to be. The only one.

 

Love You Like A Love Song – Selena Gomez

I heard this on the radio, and immediately had to look up the lyrics. I really only heard the chorus, and thought, THIS. IS. MY. LIFE. I love you like a love song. And I really do keep hitting repe-pe-pe-pe-peat.

 

Firework – Katy Perry

Because, clearly, you are. And there should never be a minute that you don’t remember it.

 

Forever and For Always – Shania Twain

Because it’s our song. The one that makes us feel like jelly. And get all hair-raised and prickly feeling. And smiling from the inside out. Because it’s your song to me, and my song to you.

 

Pretty Baby – Vanessa Carlton

This song make me smile every single time I hear it. Just like you make me smile every single time I see you. And this is one of the first songs you ever sang to me. On Skype. Sweetest thing ever.

 

Words – Anthony David feat. India Arie

Because it’s everything I feel in so many moments with you.

 

Cuppycake – Amy Castle

Because. You. Are. Sooo dearrr! 🙂

Missed Opportunity

Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life.

There are lots of things I’d still like to do. Some of those things are on my good ol’ Life List. Since I have more life left, anything I wish I had done would have to be something I could no longer do, right? Hmmm… I guess I wish I took a grad picture. I procrastinated and procrastinated until I just didn’t care. I figured it didn’t really make a difference whether or not my picture is in the yearbook in the grad section, and I certainly didn’t need to share pictures with family. I had a camera. We could just take pictures at the graduation or whatever. Who cares? The degree is enough.

Actually, now that I think about it, I wish I’d continued in the valedictorian speech competition. Based on the speech the ended up being given at the convocation, I would have kicked butt. Badly. I made it to the final round, but didn’t get there in time for my appointment to deliver the speech to the judges. I was on my way to the bus stop when an older lady fell. She slipped on ice. I made the judgement call quickly. I stayed with her and called for help. By the time that I was able to leave, the bus was gone. I waited for the next one, went to the room I was supposed to go to, and it was too late. I could have pulled rank, called in a few favours, and got to do it, but I didn’t. I was already tired, and figured the judges would be a bit biased against me anyway. I should have pushed to do it anyway. Then, I would have done my part, and it would have been in their hands. Oh, well. Such is life. All focus on the road ahead.