A random, eclectic mix of thoughts, feelings, observations, and experiences – LIFE

Posts tagged ‘Cycling’

Cycling/Running Playlist

This is a work in progress, and will double as a running playlist (since I randomly decided that I’m going to start running now too). I’ll be needing more music. As I hear songs that would get me pumped up, I’ll add them to this list.

Slow Ride – Foghat

Deceptacon – Le Tigre

Like a G6 – Far East Movement, The Cataracts & Dev

Switch – Will Smith

Tonight Tonight – Hot Chelle Rae

I Can’t Go For That – The Bird and The Bee

Pumped Up Kicks – Foster The People

A Milli – Lil Wayne

Rehab – Amy Winehouse

Stronger – Kanye West

Livin’ On a Prayer – Bon Jovi

My Body – Young the Giant

Fly Away – Lenny Kravitz

Moves Like Jagger – Maroon 5 ft. Christina Aguilera

Only Girl – Rihanna

Carry Out – Timbaland ft. Justin Timberlake

Bottoms Up – Trey Songz ft. Nicki Minaj

Start It Up – Lloyd Banks + 1million others

All I Do Is Win – DJ Khaled + 1million others

Super Bass – Nicki Minaj

Going The Distance – Cake

You Really Got Me – Van Halen

Dog Days Are Over – Florence + the Machine

Bullterproof – La Roux

This Is How a Heart Breaks – Rob Thomas

Suggestions? They’re very welcome!

Awesome Job, Please?

Okay. First of all, I’m SO happy to have this blog, and a few followers to share these little things with. Thank y’all, and thank you WordPress! ūüôā

On to the matter at hand. I’m on the job hunt. Where I am now is pretty boring, and doesn’t pay well at all. It was never supposed to be a permanent situation. I left a job in November, and started working in my great-grandmother’s store. I wanted to spend some time there, and with her, before she closed the business. In January, the doors closed for good. At that point, she called in a favour to get me this job. Just so that I could make a bit of money to be able to survive. Well, 7 months later, here I am. The economy isn’t great. That, and I probably haven’t been as a aggressive as I need to be in this type of market. Well, I’m stepping my game up! About three weeks ago, I went through the entire telephone directory and sent my resume to pretty much every business with a listed website/email address. I had an interview yesterday, and it went pretty well. I’ll hear from them tomorrow, and if I’m short-listed, I’ll have to interview with another person on Friday.I’m not very enthusiastic about the position. It’s a slight improvement from this job – both in duties and pay. Any step up is a step up, right? Also, it’s closer to where I moved to, so I could bike there a bit easier.

So. I found a posting for a job that I REALLY, REALLY want! I hardly ever feel this way about jobs. This one is sort of like it was tailored to suit me. I want it! The position title is “Administrator” and the organization is Ride For Hope Bahamas. A little bit about R4H (straight from their website):¬†The Ride for Hope is a registered charity.¬†Its flagship event is a fund raising bike-a-thon held each Spring in The Bahamas. Participants have called the Ride for Hope “a truly inspiring weekend.” Every dollar raised by participants without exception is applied to the improvement of programs for cancer treatment and patient care. We encourage you to explore our website and then come and join us for the next Ride for Hope!

Basically, this is a marriage of two things I am very passionate about – cycling and cancer research & education. About the job itself… They’re looking for someone to plan the event. They want multi-level planning skills, hands-on leadership, budget creation and maintenance, self-starter, someone who works well with people… Dear, sweet Lord! ME! ME! ME! Can they please pick me?! Nothing could be more perfect for me, and I doubt any candidate would be more perfect for the job than I am. Seriously, where are they going to find someone like me? Hmmm? NOWHERE. NEVER. Let me tell you why I’m awesome for this job:

  • I was Volunteer Coordinator for the Bluenose Marathon (Nova Scotia). I received applications, sorted them (by availability, interests, and people individuals wanted to work/volunteer with), scheduled them, and stayed in constant communication up until the day of the event. I co-planned the pre-marathon volunteer mixer and the post-marathon volunteer party. I also made sure the volunteer lounge was well stocked with snacks, drinks, comfy chairs, etc.
  • I planned and ran a summer day camp. I did all the business planning and presentations. I won a business plan competition which gave me a bit of start-up money. I then applied for a loan which I got after a few rounds of interviews. Then, I set up shop (school/daycare). It was great. Eight fun-filled weeks with 3 classrooms full of energetic, happy children between 5 and 12 years of age. I managed to get teachers and 3rd and 4th year students to staff it. I did this while attending university full-time, and working two part-time jobs on campus.
  • I have a Bachelor of Commerce in Economics.
  • I’ve done business plans for a several businesses.
  • I am a Toastmaster, and I have won speech competitions at the club, area, and division levels. Public speaking is not a problem.
  • I ran a company in Nassau while the principles were in another country for months. I was responsible for regular office management (phones, emails, faxes, etc.), presentations to new clients, maintaining relationships with existing clients, supervision of staff at various locations, etc. I did this a few months after I finish high school and continued until I moved for school two years later.
Basically, I have skills and experience up the WAZOO! It’s all very crazy and random (most of it I haven’t mentioned above), but RELEVANT. They could do nothing but benefit from having me on board. Oh, gosh. Are you convinced? I hope so. I sent my resume, letter of intent, and two reference letters yesterday. (I know my resume is killer, and my letter of intent is no less. Did I mention that I worked in the Career Development Centre in university? My job was to help students create/edit their resumes, write job-specific cover letters, and prepare for interviews.) Babe and I even called/asked around to see if anyone knows the co-founders of R4H. Around here, who you know is important. We found someone, and I submitted everything through him.*fingers crossed* Please, please, please, can I have this perfect job?! PLEASE?!
I’ve come to learn that my place, in the business world, could be anywhere, but where I really want to be is in the not-for-profit sector. It’s so much more meaningful. I spent a lot of my time, when I was in university, volunteering with different organizations. ¬†A few times, volunteering turned into working. It was great.
What is great about R4H is the wide reach that it has. I was most pleased to find out that they are not only dedicated to donating for cancer research, but also for education. It’s important to educate people about the risks, and what can be done to reduce them. Prevention is always better (and cheaper!) than cure, and we need to keep that at the forefront of our minds. I’m thrilled about this and this.
I went to the website today, and they no longer have the call for applications on the front page. I hope that doesn’t mean they found the person they’re looking for already. (It looks like it was only posted on Aug. 31.) I hope it just means they have enough resumes to sift through. I hope. Please hope with me. Hopes, prayers, and positive energy all gladly accepted (and appreciated) here. ūüôā
EDIT: Heart palpitations! I just got an email from them saying that the resume file was corrupted, asking me to resend. I resent it. Oh, boy. Now I know they’re still accepting and reviewing resumes. Aaagh!

The Rules – Velominati

Any self-respecting cyclist should know and follow THE RULES. They’re great, fun, funny, useful, and oh-so-serious. Your education on cycling begins now. Here they are, taken directly from Velominati:

The Rules:

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    Rule #1

     / Obey The Rules.
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    Rule #2

     / Lead by example.

    It is forbidden for someone familiar with The Rules to knowingly assist another person to breach them.1

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    Rule #3

     / Guide the uninitiated.

    No matter how good you think your reason is to knowingly breach The Rules, it is never good enough.

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    Rule #4

     / It’s all about the bike.

    It is, absolutely, without question, unequivocally, about the bike.  Anyone who says otherwise is obviously a twatwaffle.

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    Rule #5

     / Harden The Fuck Up. 2,14,19,20
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    Rule #6

     / Free your mind and your legs will follow.

    Your mind is your worst enemy. Do all your thinking before you start riding your bike. ¬†Once the pedals start to turn, wrap yourself in the sensations of the ride ‚Äď the smell of the air, the sound of the tires, the feeling of flight as the bicycle rolls over the road.

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    Rule #7

     / Tan lines should be cultivated and kept razor sharp.

    Under no circumstances should one be rolling up their sleeves or shorts in an effort to somehow diminish one’s tan lines.  Sleeveless jerseys are under no circumstances to be employed.

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    Rule #8

     / Saddles, bars, and tires shall be carefully matched.3

    Valid options are:

    • Match the saddle to the bars and the tires to black; or
    • Match the bars to the color of the frame at the top of the head tube and the saddle to the color of the frame at the top of the seat tube and the tires to the color where they come closest to the frame; or
    • Match the saddle and the bars to the frame decals; or
    • Black, black, black
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    Rule #9

     / If you are out riding in bad weather, it means you are a badass.  Period.

    Fair-weather riding is a luxury reserved for Sunday afternoons and wide boulevards. Those who ride in foul weather ‚Äď be it cold, wet, or inordinately hot ‚Äď are members of a special club of riders who, on the morning of a big ride, pull back the curtain to check the weather and, upon seeing rain falling from the skies, allow a wry smile to spread across their face. This is a rider who loves the work.

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    Rule #10

     / It never gets easier, you just go faster.

    Climbing is hard. It stays hard.¬†To put it another way, per Greg Henderson: ‚ÄúTraining is like fighting with a gorilla. You don‚Äôt stop when you‚Äôre tired. You stop when the gorilla is tired.‚Ä̬†Sur la Plaque, fucktards.4

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    Rule #11

     / Family does not come first. The bike does.

    Sean Kelly, being interviewed after the ‚Äô84 Amstel Gold Race, spots his wife leaning against his¬†Citro√ęn AX. He interrupts the interview to tell her to get off the paintwork, to which she¬†shrugs, ‚ÄúIn your life the car comes first, then the bike, then me.‚Ä̬†Instinctively, he snaps back, ‚ÄúYou got the order wrong. The bike comes first.‚ÄĚ21

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    Rule #12

     / The correct number of bikes to own is n+1.

    While the minimum number of bikes one should own is three, the correct number is n+1, where n is the number of bikes currently owned.  This equation may also be re-written as s-1, where s is the number of bikes owned that would result in separation from your partner.

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    Rule #

    13
     / If you draw race number 13, turn it upside down.

    Paradoxically, the same mind that holds such control over the body is also woefully fragile and prone to superstitious thought. It fills easily with doubt and is distracted by ancillary details. This is why the tape must always be perfect, the machine silent, the kit spotless. And, if you draw the unlucky Number 13, turn it upside down to counter-act its negative energy.

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    Rule #14

     / Shorts should be black.

    Team-issue shorts should be black, with the possible exception of side-panels, which may match the rest of the team kit.

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    Rule #15

     / Black shorts should also be worn with leader’s jerseys.

    Black shorts, or at least standard team-kit shorts, must be worn with Championship jerseys and race leadership jerseys. Don’t over-match your kit, or accept that you will look like a douche.

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    Rule #16

     / Respect the jersey.

    Championship and race leader jerseys must only be worn if you’ve won the championship or led the race.

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    Rule #17

     / Team kit is for members of the team.

    Wearing Pro team kit is also questionable if you’re not paid to wear it.  If you must fly the colors of Pro teams, all garments should match perfectly, i.e no Mapei jersey with Kelme shorts and Telekom socks.

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    Rule #18

     / No road jerseys or Lycra bibs when riding off-road.

    Cyclocross is a middle-ground.  Best to wear cross-specific kit: skin suits only. No exceptions.

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    Rule #19

     / No mountain jerseys or baggies when riding on the road.

    Cyclocross is a middle-ground.  Best to wear cross-specific kit: skin suits only. No exceptions.

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    Rule #20

     / There are only three remedies for pain.

    These are:

    • If your quads start to burn, shift forward to use your hamstrings and calves, or
    • If your calves or hamstrings start to burn, shift back to use your quads, or
    • If you feel wimpy and weak, meditate on¬†Rule #5¬†and train more!
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    Rule #21

     / Cold weather gear is for cold weather.

    Knickers, vests, arm warmers, shoe covers, and caps beneath your helmet can all make you look like ahardman, when the weather warrants their use.

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    Rule #22

     / Cycling caps are for cycling.

    Cycling caps can be worn under helmets, but¬†never¬†when not riding, no matter how hip you think you look. This will render one a douche, and should result in public berating or beating. ¬†¬† The only time it is acceptable to wear a cycling cap is while directly engaged in cycling activities and while clad in cycling kit.¬† This includes activities taking place prior to and immediately after the ride such as machine tuning and tire pumping.¬† Also included are cafe appearances for pre-ride espressi and post-ride pub appearances for body-refueling ales (provided said pub has sunny, outdoor patio ‚Äď do not stray¬†inside¬†a pub wearing kit or risk being ceremoniously beaten by leather-clad biker chicks). ¬† Under these conditions, having your cap skull-side tipped jauntily at a rakish¬†angle is, one might say,¬†de rigueur.¬† All good things must be taken in measure, however, and as such it is critical that we let sanity and good taste prevail: as long as the first sip of the relevant caffeine or hop-based beverage is taken whilst beads of sweat, snow, or rain are still evident on one‚Äôs brow then it is legitimate for the cap to be worn. However, once all that remains in the cranial furrows is salt, it is then time to shower, throw on some suitable apr√®s-ride attire (a woollen Molteni Arcore training top circa ‚Äô73 comes to mind) and return to the bar, folded copy of pastel-coloured news publication in hand, ready for formal fluid replacement. It is also helpful if you are a¬†Giant of the Road, as demonstrated¬†here, rather than a giant douchebag.¬†5

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    Rule #23

     / Shoe covers are for cold or wet.

    If it’s not cold or wet and you are still wearing shoe covers because you’re a pussy, your name is probablyGeorge Hincapie.

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    Rule #24

     / Speeds and distances shall be referred to and measured in kilometers.

    This includes while discussing cycling in the workplace with your non-cycling coworkers, serving to further mystify our sport in the web of their Neanderthalic cognitive capabilities.  As the confused expression spreads across their unibrowed faces, casually mention your shaved legs. All of cycling’s monuments are measured in the metric system and as such the English system is forbidden.

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    Rule #25

     / The bikes on top of your car should be worth more than the car.

    Or at least be relatively more expensive.  Basically, if you’re putting your Huffy on your Rolls, you’re in trouble, mister. Remember what Sean said.

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    Rule #26

     / Make your bike photogenic.

    When photographing your bike, gussy her up properly for the camera. Valve stems at 6 o’clock. Cranks around the 30 degree mark.  Not 90 or 180. Chain on the big dog. No bidons in the cages.

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    Rule #27

     / Shorts and socks should be like Golidlocks.

    Not too long and not too short.  (Disclaimer: despite Sean Yates’ horrible choice in shorts length, he is a quintessential hard man of cycling and is deeply admired by the Velominati. Whereas Armstrong’s short and sock lengths are just plain wrong.) No socks is a no-no, as are those ankle-length ones that should only be worn by female tennis players.

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    Rule #28

     / Socks can be any damn colour you like.

    White is old school cool. Black is cool too, but were given a bad image by a Texan whose were too long.  If you fell you must go colored, make sure they damn well match your kit.  Tip: DeFeet Wool-E-Ators rule.

  29. Saddle bags have no place on a road bike, and are only acceptable on mountain bikes in extreme cases.

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    Rule #30

     / No frame-mounted pumps.

    Either Co2 cannisters or mini-pumps should be carried in jersey pockets (See Rule #31).  The only exception to this rule is to mount a Silca brand frame pump in the rear triangle of the frame, with the rear wheel skewer as the pump mount nob, as demonstrated by members of the 7-Eleven and Ariostea pro cycling teams. As such, a frame pump mounted upside-down and along the left (skewer lever side) seat stay is both old skool and euro and thus acceptable.  We restate at this time that said pump may under no circumstances be a Zefal and must be made by Silca. Said Silca pump must be fitted with a Campagnolo head. It is acceptable to gaffer-tape a mini-pump to your frame when no C02 cannisters are available and your pockets are full of spare kit and energy gels.  However, the rider should expect to be stopped and questioned and may be required to empty pockets to prove there is no room in them for the pump.

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    Rule #31

     / Spare tubes, multi-tools and repair kits should be stored in jersey pockets.

    If absolutely necessary, in a converted bidon in a cage on bike. Or, use one of these.

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    Rule #32

     / Humps are for camels: no hydration packs.

    Hydration packs are never to be seen on a road rider’s body.  No argument will be entered into on this. For MTB, they are cool.

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    Rule #33

     / Shave your guns.

    Legs are to be carefully shaved at all times. If, for some reason, your legs are to be left hairy, make sure you can dish out plenty of hurt to shaved riders, or be considered a hippie douche on your way to a Critical Mass. Whether you use a straight razor or a Bowie knife, use Baxter to keep them smooth.

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    Rule #34

     / Mountain bike shoes and pedals have their place.

    On a mountain bike.

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    Rule #35

     / No visors on the road.

    Road helmets can be worn on mountain bikes, but never the other way around.  If you want shade, see Rule #22.

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    Rule #36

     / Eyewear shall be cycling specific.

    No Aviator shades, blueblockers, or clip-on covers for eye glasses.

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    Rule #37

     / The arms of the eyewear shall always be placed over the helmet straps.

    No exceptions. This is for various reasons that may or may not matter; it’s just the way it is.

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    Rule #39

     / Never ride without your eyewear.

    You should not make a habit of riding without eyewear, although approved extenuating circumstances include fog, overheating, and lighting condition. When not worn over the eyes, they should be neatly tucked into the vents of your helmet.  If they don’t fit, buy a new helmet.  In the meantime you can wear them backwards on the back of your head or carefully tuck them into your jersey pocket, making sure not to scratch them on your tools (see item 31).

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    Rule #40

     / Tires are to be mounted with the label centered directly over the valve stem.

    Pro mechanics do it because it makes it easier to find the valve.  You do this because that’s the way pro mechanics do it.  This will save you precious seconds while your fat ass sits on the roadside fumbling with your CO2 after a flat.  It also looks better for photo opportunities.

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    Rule #41

     / Quick-release levers are to be carefully positioned.

    Quick release angle on the front skewer shall be an upward angle which tightens just aft of the fork and the rear quick release shall tighten at an angle that bisects angle between the seat and chain stays. It is acceptable, however, to have the rear quick release tighten upward, just aft of the seat stay, when the construction of the frame or its dropouts will not allow the preferred positioning.  For Time Trial bikes only, quick releases may be in the horizontal position facing towards the rear of the bike. This is for maximum aero effect.9

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    Rule #42

     / A bike race shall never be preceded with a swim and/or followed by a run.

    If it’s preceded with a swim and/or followed by a run, it is not called a bike race, it is called duathlon or a triathlon. Neither of which is a bike race.

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    Rule #43

     / Don’t be a jackass.

    But if you absolutely must be a jackass, be a funny jackass. Always remember, we’re all brothers and sisters on the road.

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    Rule #44

     / Position matters.

    In order to find the V-Locus, a rider’s handlebars on their road bike must always be lower than their saddle. The only exception to this is if you’re revolutionizing the sport, in which case you must also be prepared to break the World Hour Record. The minimum allowable tolerance is 4cm; there is no maximum, but people may berate you if they feel you have them too low.

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    Rule #45

     / Slam your stem down.

    A maximum stack height of 2cm is allowed below the stem and a single 5mm spacer must always ‚Ästalways¬†‚Äď be stacked above.¬† A ‚Äúslammed down‚ÄĚ stack height is preferable; meaning that the stem is positioned directly on the top race of the headset.

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    Rule #46

     / Keep your bars level.

    Handlebars will be mounted parallel to the ground or angled slightly upward. While they may never be pointed down at all, they may be angled up slightly; allowed handlebar tilt is to be between 180 and 175 degrees with respect to the level road.  The brake levers will preferably be mounted such that the end of the brake lever is even with the bottom of the bar.  Modern bars, however, dictate that this may not always be possible, so tolerances are permitted within reason.  Brake hoods should not approach anything near 45 degrees, as some riders with poor taste have been insisting on doing.

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    Rule #48

     / Keep your saddle level.

    The seating area of a saddle is to be visually level, with the base measurement made using a spirit level. Based on subtleties of saddle design and requirements of comfort, the saddle may then be pitched slightly forward or backward to reach a position that offers stability, power, and comfort. If the tilt of the saddle exceeds two degrees, you need to go get one of those saddles with springs and a thick gel pad because you are obviously a big pussy.

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    Rule #49

     / Slide your saddle back.

    The midpoint of the saddle as measured from tip to tail shall fall well behind and may not be positioned forward of the line made by extending the seat tube through the top of the saddle. (Also see Rule #44 and Rule #48.)

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    Rule #50

     / Facial hair is to be carefully regulated.

    No full beards, no moustaches. Goatees are permitted only if your name starts with ‚ÄúMarco‚ÄĚ and ends with ‚ÄúPantani‚ÄĚ, or if your head is intentionally or unintentionally bald.¬† One may never shave on the morning of an important race, as it saps your virility, and you need that to kick ass.

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    Rule #51

     / Livestrong wristbands are cockrings for your arms.

    You may as well get ‚Äútryhard wanker‚ÄĚ tattooed on your forehead.

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    Rule #52

     / Padding or body armor of any kind is not allowed.

    If you find you need it, try pointing your bike up the hill for a change.

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    Rule #53

     / Keep your kit clean and new.

    As a courtesy to those around you, your kit should always be freshly laundered, and, under no circumstances should the crackal region of your shorts be worn out or see-through.

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    Rule #54

     / No aerobars on road bikes.

    Aerobars or other clip-on attachments are under no circumstances to be employed on your road bike.  The only exception to this is if you are competing in a mountain timetrail.

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    Rule #55

     / Earn your turns.

    If you are riding down a mountain, you must first have ridden up the mountain.  It is forbidden to employ powered transportation simply for the cheap thrill of descending. The only exception to this is if you are doing intervals on Alpe d’Huez or the Plan de Corones and you park your car up top before doing 20 repeats of the climb.

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    Rule #56

     / Espresso or macchiato only.

    When wearing cycling kit and enjoying a pre or post ride coffee, it is only appropriate to drink espresso or macchiato. If the word soy/skim latte is heard to be used by a member wearing cycling apparel, then that person must be ceremonially beaten with Co2 canisters or mini pumps by others within the community.6

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    Rule #57

     / No stickers.

    Nobody gives a shit what causes you support, what war you’re against, what gear you buy, or what year you rodeRAGBRAI.  See Rule #5 and ride your bike. Decals, on the other hand, are not only permissible, but extremely Pro.

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    Rule #58

     / Support your local bike shop.

    Never buy bikes, parts or accessories online.  Going into your local shop, asking myriad inane questions, tying up the staff’s time, then going online to buy is akin to sleeping with your best friend’s wife, then having a beer with him after. Online is evil and will be the death of the bike shop. If you do purchase parts online, be prepared to mount and maintain them yourself. If you enter a shop with parts you have bought online and expect them to fit them, be prepared to be told to see your online seller for fitting and warranty help.

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    Rule #59

     / Hold your line.

    Ride predictably, and don’t make sudden movements. And, under no circumstances, are you to deviate from your line.

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    Rule #60

     / Ditch the washer-nut and valve-stem cap.

    You are not, under any circumstances, to employ the use of the washer-nut and valve-stem cap that come with your inner-tubes or tubulars.  They are only supplied to meet shipping regulations.  They are useless when it comes to tubes and tires.

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    Rule #61

     / Like your guns, saddles should be smooth and hard.

    Under no circumstances may your saddle have more than 3mm of padding. ¬†Special allowances will be made for stage racing when physical pain caused by subcutaneous cysts and the like (‚Äúsaddle sores‚ÄĚ) are present. Under those conditions, up to 5mm of padding will be allowed ‚Äď it should be noted that this exception is only temporary until the condition has passed or been excised. A hardman would not change their saddle at all but instead cut a hole in it to relieve pressure on the delicate area. It is noted that if¬†Rule #48¬†and/or¬†Rule #5¬†is observed then any ‚Äúpadding‚ÄĚ is superfluous.7

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    Rule #62

     / You shall not ride with earphones.

    Cycling is about getting outside and into the elements and you don‚Äôt need to be listening to Queen or Slayer in order to experience that. Immerse yourself in the rhythm and pain, not in whatever 80‚Ä≤s hair band you call ‚Äúmusic‚ÄĚ. ¬† See¬†Rule #5¬†and ride your bike.8

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    Rule #63

     / Point in the direction you’re turning.

    Signal a left turn by pointing your left arm to the left. ¬†To signal a right turn, simply point with your right arm to the right. ¬†This one is, presumably, mostly for Americans: ¬†that right-turn signal that Americans are taught to make with your left arm elbow-out and your forearm pointing upwards was developed for motor-vehicles prior to the invention of the electric turn signal since it was rather difficult to reach from the driver-side all the way out the passenger-side window to signal a right turn. ¬†On a bicycle, however, we don‚Äôt have this limitation and it is actually quite easy to point your right arm in the direction you are turning. ¬†The American right-turn signal just makes you look like you‚Äôre waving ‚Äúhello‚ÄĚ to traffic.

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    Rule #64

     / Cornering confidence increases with time and experience.

    This pattern continues until it falls sharply and suddenly.

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    Rule #65

     / Maintain and respect your machine.

    Bicycles must adhere to the Principle of Silence and as such must be meticulously maintained. It must be cherished, and when leaning it against a wall, must be leaned carefully such that only the bars, saddle, or tires come in contact with the wall or post.  This is true even when dismounting prior to collapsing after the World Championship Time Trial. No squeaks, creaks, or chain noise allowed. Only the soothing hum of your tires upon the tarmac and the rhythm of your breathing may be audible when riding. When riding the Pave, the sound of chain slap is acceptable. The Principle of Silence can be extended to say that if you are suffering such that your breathing begins to adversely effect the enjoyment of the other riders in the bunch, you are to summarily sit up and allow yourself to be dropped.10

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    Rule #66

     / No  mirrors.

    Mirrors are allowed on your (aptly named) Surly Big Dummy or your Surly Long Haul Trucker.  Not on your road steed.  Not on your Mountain bike.  Not on your helmet.  If someone familiar with The Rules has sold you such an abomination, return the mirror and demand a refund, plus interest and damages.

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    Rule #67

     / Do your time in the wind

    Nobody likes a wheel sucker.  You might think you’re playing a smart tactical game by letting everyone else do the work while you sit on, but races (even Yellow Sign Sprints) are won through cooperation and spending time on the rivet, flogging yourself and taking risks. Riding wheels and jumping past at the end is one thing and one thing only: poor sportsmanship.

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    Rule #68

     / Rides are to be measured by quality, not quantity.

    Rides are to be measured by the quality of their distance and never by distance alone. ¬†For climbing rides, distances should be referred to by the amount of¬†vertical¬†covered; flat and rolling rides should be referred to by their distance and average speed. ¬†For example, declaring ‚ÄúWe rode 4km‚ÄĚ would assert that 4000m were covered during the ride, with the distance being irrelevant. ¬†Conversely, a flat ride of 150km at 23kmh is not something that should be discussed in an open forum and¬†Rule #5¬†must be reviewed at once.7

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    Rule #69

     / Cycling shoes and bicycles are made for riding.

    Any walking conducted while wearing cycling shoes must be strictly limited.  When taking a slash or filling bidons during a 200km ride (at 38kmh, see Rule #68) one is to carefully stow one’s bicycle at the nearest point navigable by bike and walk the remaining distance.  It is strictly prohibited that under any circumstances a cyclist should walk up a steep incline, with the obvious exception being when said incline is blocked by riders who crashed because you are on the Koppenberg.  For clarification, see Rule #5.7

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    Rule #70

     / The purpose of competing is to win.

    End of. Any reference to not achieving this should be referred immediately to Rule #5.11

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    Know how to train properly and stick to your training plan. Ignore other cyclists with whom you are not intentionally riding. The time for being competitive is not during your training rides, but during competition.

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    Rule #72

     / Legs speak louder than words.

    Unless you routinely demonstrate your riding superiority and the smoothness of your Stroke, refrain from discussing your power meter, heartrate, or any other riding data.  Also see Rule #74.

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    Rule #73

     / Gear and brake cables should be cut to optimum length.

    Cables should create a perfect arc around the headtube and, whenever possible, cross under the downtube. Right shifter cable should go to the left cable stop and vice versa.

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    Rule #74

     / Cycle computers should be simple, small and mounted on the stem.

    Forgo the data and ride on feel; little compares to the pleasure of riding as hard as your mind will allow. If you are not a Pro or aspire to be one, then you don’t need a SRM or PowerTap.  To paraphrase BSNYC, an amateur cyclist using a power meter is like hiring an accountant to tell you how poor you are.  As for Garmins, how often do you get lost on a ride?  They are bulky, ugly and superflous. Cycle computers should be simple, small and mounted on the stem.  And preferably wireless.

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    Rule #75

     / Race numbers are for races.

    Remove it from your frame before the next training ride because no matter how cool you think it looks, it does not look cool.  Unless you are in a race.  In which case it looks cool.

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    Rule #76

     / Helmets are to be hung from your stem.

    When not worn, helmets are to be clipped to the stem and draped over your handlebars thusly.

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    Rule #77

     / Respect the earth; don’t litter.

    Cycling is not an excuse to litter. Do not throw your empty gel packets, energy bar wrappers or punctured tubes on the road or in the bush.  Stuff em in your jersey pockets, and repair that tube when you get home.12

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    Rule #78

     / Remove unnecessary gear.

    When racing in a criterium of 60 minutes or less the second (unused) water bottle cage must be removed in order to preserve the aesthetic of the racing machine.13

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    Rule #80

     / Always be Casually Deliberate.

    Waiting for others pre-ride or at the start line pre-race, you must be tranquilo, resting on your top tube thusly. This may be extended to any time one is aboard the bike, but not riding it, such as at stop lights.15

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    Rule #82

     / Close the gap.

    Whilst riding in cold and/or Rule #9 conditions replete with arm warmers, under no circumstances is there to be any exposed skin between the hems of your kit and the hems of your arm. If this occurs, you either need to wear a kit that fits you properly or increase the size of your guns. Arm warmers may, however, be shoved to the wrists in Five and Dime scenarios, particularly those involving Rule #9 conditions. The No-Gap Principle also applies to knee and leg warmers with the variation that these are under no circumstances to be scrunched down around the ankles; Merckx have mercy on whomever is caught in such a sorry, sorry state. It is important to note that while one can wear arm warmers without wearing knee or leg warmers, one cannot wear knee or leg warmers without wearing arm warmers (or a long sleeve jersey). It is completely inappropriate to have uncovered arms, while covering the knees, with the exception of brief periods of time when the arm warmers may be shoved to the wrists while going uphill in a Five and Dime situation.  If the weather changes and one must remove a layer, the knee/leg coverings must go before the arm coverings.  If that means that said rider must take off his knee or leg warmers while racing, then this is a skill he must be accomplished in.  The single exception would be before an event in which someone plans on wearing neither arm or leg warmers while racing, but would like to keep the legs warm before the event starts; though wearing a long sleeve jersey over the racing kit at this time is also advised.  One must not forget to remove said leg warmers. 16

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    Rule #83

     / Be self-sufficient.

    Unless you are followed by a team car, you will repair your own punctures. You will do so expediently, employing your own skills, using your own equipment, and without complaining that your expensive tyres are too tight for your puny thumbs to fit over your expensive rim. The fate of a rider who has failed to equip himself pursuant toRule #31, or who knows not how to use said equipment, shall be determined at the discretion of any accompanying or approaching rider in accordance with Rule #84.17

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    Rule #84

     / Follow the Code.

    Consistently with The Code Of The Domestique, the announcement of a flat tyre in a training ride entitles ‚Äď but does not oblige ‚Äď all riders then present in the bunch to cease riding without fear of being labelled Pussies. All stopped riders are thereupon entitled ‚Äď but not obliged ‚Äď to lend assistance, instruction and/or stringent criticism of the tyre mender‚Äôs technique. The duration of a¬†Rule #84¬†stop is entirely discretionary, but is generally inversely proportional to the duration of the remaining time available for post-ride espresso.17

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    Rule #85

     / Descend like a Pro.

    All descents shall be undertaken at speeds commonly regarded as ‚Äúludicrous‚ÄĚ or ‚Äúinsane‚ÄĚ by those less talented. In addition all corners will be traversed in an outside-inside-outside trajectory, with the outer leg extended and the inner leg canted appropriately (but not too far as to replicate a motorcycle racer, for you are not one), to assist in balance and creation of an appealing aesthetic. Brakes are generally not to be employed, but if absolutely necessary, only just prior to the corner. Also see¬†Rule #64.18

Posts related to The Rules may be found here.

1 Thanks to Geof for this submission.
2¬†Stijn Devolder on¬†Rule #5, in defense of staying in Belgium when his teammates went off to train in sunny Spain: ‚ÄúIt is not so cold that you freeze on to your bike. You go from a temperature of zero (Celsius) to minus one and you‚Äôre not dead; It hardens your character.‚ÄĚ
3 It is possible for experts to mix these matching guidelines successfully without breaking The Rules.  This is a very risky undertaking and can yield unpredictable results.  Proceed carefully and, if in doubt, run your configuration by the Keepers for approval.
4 Famous quote by Greg LeMond, former hardmand and current twatwaffle. Greg Henderson quote courtesy of Neil. (Incidentally, it does not matter how fast you go, but you may never give up.)
5¬†Thanks to James for his sound input on modifying this submission from it‚Äôs original draft which read, ‚ÄúAn exception to wearing a cap when not riding is: If you have a soigneur (you don‚Äôt) and he places the cap on your head after you‚Äôve just won a mountain top finish or soloed into the velodrome (you haven‚Äôt).‚ÄĚ
6 Thanks to Rob for this submission.
7 Thanks to Rob (different from Rob in 6) for this submission.
8 Thanks to Saul at Speedy Reedy for this submission.
9 Thanks to BarryRoubaix for the astute observation regarding Time Trial Bikes.
10Thanks to Souleur for the astute observation regarding the Principle of Silence.
11 Thanks to Charlie for this addition.
12 Thanks to Jarvis and Steampunk for their tidy ways.
13 Thanks to Cyclops for this sensibly aesthetic addition.
14¬†You will never observe¬†Rule #5¬†as much as Jens. The diamond industry is currently petitioning to move the standard measurement of the hardness of a diamond from ‚Äúcarat‚ÄĚ to ‚ÄúJens‚ÄĚ. Preliminary studies show that the most perfect and hard diamond known to be in existence is 0.125 Jens. Thanks to¬†Velomihottie¬†for pointing out the omission of this obvious fact.
15 Thanks to SupermanSam via our friends at CyclingTipsBlog.
16 Thanks to Rusty Tool Shed and Reid Beloni for assistance in helping craft the language of this Rule.
17 Thanks to Karim for this most accurate contribution.
18 Thanks to SterlingMatt for this most accurate contribution.
19 Ronnie Johns’ view.
20 More on the man in the photo, Fiorenzo Magni.
21¬†There are variants of this story, including one which is more likely to be the actual way this story unfolded, which goes that Sean Kelly is met by his wife after a the ‚Äô84 Amstel Gold Race and they get in his Citroen AX: ‚ÄúAh, Sean‚ÄĚ says his beloved wife, ‚Äúin your life the car comes first, then the bike, then me.‚ÄĚ ‚ÄúYou got the order wrong,‚ÄĚ Kelly scowls, ‚Äúthe bike comes first.‚ÄĚ Thanks to¬†Oli Brooke-White¬†for helping sort out the details of the story.

Submit your additions, subtractions and suggestions in the posts, or via emailhere.

Tell Me I’m Pretty! (Day 11 of 30 Days of Truth)

Day 11 – Something people to seem to compliment you the most on

Compliments. Gotta love ’em! I have to say that I do get a lot of compliments, and it’s hard to say what most of them are for. Actually, now that I think about it, I think most of them relate to my physical appearance. They’re not about a specific feature, but people generally tell me that I’m pretty/beautiful. Don’t stop reading now. I’m not saying I’m a TKO. I’ll explain this further.

I live in The Bahamas. Men on the street holla (literally and figuratively) at women passing by a LOT. It’s almost instinctive. I always say, “Bahamian men make it impossible for Bahamian women to have a low self-esteem.” They will holla at ANY and EVERY woman they come across in the street, in the grocery store, at the mall, in the club… ANYwhere, really. What they say varies slightly.

OY! OY! LUV.LAY!

BYOO-DA-FULL! BYOO-DA-FULL!

Hey, solid! You wan’ my wallet?

SEXY! Wan’ a Pepsi?

Hey, Miss! Miss! You know you look good right?

Come here, girl, lemme hol’ you!

I often wonder if they find this method effective. Do they ever bother to approach a woman one-on-one, without yelling, and using phrases like, “Hello, you look very nice today. May I help you with your bags?” Now, this is The Bahamas… Not many women will allow a strange man to carry their bags. I’m just saying, it’s another way to go about things. I’d be more responsive to a man who speaks to me as though we are the only people in the moment at the moment, even if I refuse his offers. Instead, they yell at women in groups.

Picture this: You arrive at the grocery store. You park your car, and get out. You take about 4 steps before you notice 3 men leaning against a wall together. You only notice them because of the noise they’re making in attempting to engage you (if we can call it that). One man says, “OY! SEXY!” You ignore him and continue walking as you hear the second man say, “Dammmn, girl, you look good, eh?!” The third man says, “Mmmp, mmmp, mmmp! She fiiiiine, eh?” The first man says, “I can’t take you out, eh?” By this time, you’ve open the door and are entering the grocery store, but they continue and you head combinations of, “Hey, Miss?! I can’t take you out?!” and “You look good, hear?”

Now imagine that every time you’re in public, you experience something like that. Men on walls, in passing cars, in parked cars, in buildings you enter… Everywhere. All the time. When you go to lunch, when you cross the street to get to your car, when you go to the gas station… Got it? Congratulations. You are now, in your imagination, a woman in The Bahamas. Whether you are short, tall, light-skinned, dark-skinned, long-haired, short-haired, very thin, grossly overweight, healthy-looking… It doesn’t matter. You. Are. Getting. Attention. You. Are. Getting. Compliments. Sometimes they are weird. E.g. “You’n have no breast, but look at that assssssss! Mmmp! You look GOOD!”

Short hair, don't care!

More personally, among people I know, and people who actually have the decency to speak directly to me, face-to-face (not yelling at my back), I’m getting a lot of compliments on my new haircut. People seem to like it. A lot. Some people even go as far as saying that my beauty shows more with short hair, or note (aloud) that everyone can’t rock a short cut like mine/I do. It’s nice to hear. Especially since I don’t plan to let it get long again. At all. Ever.

 

Other things I’m complimented on fairly often include my smile, my teeth, and my eyes. I’m rarely complimented on anything other than those physical features. Oh! Since I’ve been riding my bicycle to work, random people on the street have “given me props.” People have stopped (in their cars) to say things like, “Good for you!” and “You’re smarter than the rest of us! Keep it up!” Now THAT. Is pretty cool. (To really get how cool it is, you’d have to understand how caught up most Bahamians are on status and how-would-it-look-ifs.) I think that has to be my favourite compliment, if it could be considered a compliment. For people in passing cars to feel strongly enough to stop and let me know that they think what I’m doing is awesome, and they wish they could do it (which they really can) is a great thing. Maybe the country can start changing. Maybe focus can be shifted, and energy put in the right place. Saving money and gas, putting egos aside, and putting more emphasis on physical health, the environment, and financial security. Maybe.

What You Don’t Understand About Bikers (via writer’s block)

YEAH! What she said!
*polishes bicycle*

What You Don't Understand About Bikers 1. If you hit us with your car, we die. You, on the other hand, probably won't. You're safely in your car, and when you don't give us enough space, our lives are actually in danger. So play nice. Uh, also…I love my bike almost as much as you love your child. I mean it. That thing's my baby. If you endanger my life, or the be … Read More

via writer's block

Crocheted Transportation

Crocheted bike cover. Prooobably not very popular, but kiiinda cool, right?! Mine would be LIME spankin’ GREEN with some hot pink-orange-coralness.

The one pictured below is a little camo-throw-up-ish, I think. Other than that, cool concept.

Crocheted Transportation ¬ę doesthathelp.