A random, eclectic mix of thoughts, feelings, observations, and experiences – LIFE

One of Those Days

It’s one of those days. You know the ones, don’t you? They follow a less than great night. You wake up with bits and pieces from a day gone by lingering… You’re wondering. Questioning. Over-thinking. Being super critical.

How is it so easy to hurt the ones closest to us? The ones we love the most? How is it that we could be so careless with our words and actions? How are we so fragile, but expect others to be rock solid all the time?

I guess I’m going through a period of self-evaluation. It sucks, really. To look at all the areas I suck in, and the more embarrassing things I’ve said and done.

Some things, even things we despise, suddenly become the norm. Things like little white lies. There’s nothing I hate more than lies. They just make things so difficult. They make it hard to trust people. They make everything grey when you’d just prefer black and white. People lie for various reasons. To keep secrets, to save face, to spare feelings, to save money… But are those really reasons or excuses? Do you think it’s fair to be judged based on such lies? Are they worth it?

You know what else sucks? Feeling like you have to censor yourself. Like you have to carefully choose what you say and what you don’t say. Or what you allow others to hear you say. What you all them to see you do. Because you know judgment will follow. Or you run the risk of being snapped at, or being told, “Hey, I don’t really care about what you have to say, mkay?”

I’m rambling now, and I know it. It’s because the two things on my mind are sort of linked, but only through one particular experience. I guess I’m taking some time to figure out what matters. How does saving $50 match up to someone regarding you as a liar? Does it matter?

Do you ever feel like some people look at you, and all they see is that one thing? The thing you fight, or maybe you don’t… The thing that isn’t particularly admirable and isn’t necessarily a part of who YOU (really) are, but is still there… How does that make you feel? What can you do about it?

And how the hell do you fight through days like this and put up a front, making it seem like you’re fine and everything is lovely?

End Rambling.

I wish I had a king-size pack of M&Ms (or two) and a can (or bottle) of icy cold Coca-Cola. I wish, I wish, I wish… *closes eyes really tight, then opens* No? None? Okay, fine.

Advertisements

Comments on: "One of Those Days" (9)

  1. I hate feeling as if I have to censor myself especially around people who I feel I should be able to be myself no matter what kind of mood I am in. Hope your day gets better. I really dislike having *those* days.

  2. I’m sorry, honey! Sometimes we just have crap days.

  3. Aww. I heart you. Hugs. I wish I could send you M&M’s but I feel like they might melt before they got to ya 😛

  4. Oh boy, this post speaks volumes to me. I feel like I am walking on thin ice when I blog about anything to do with my family or life. I just know that I’m going to annoy someone with something I say. Makes it really hard to be full-out honest and open.

    • We have tough calls to make as non-anonymous bloggers. Sometimes people will be offended by what we write/blog, just as they are by what we say/do. For me, it’s important to maintain some level of truth, honesty, integrity, authenticity… Whatever we want to call it.

  5. I totally know what you mean about lying and walking on eggshells. I hate being lied to more than anything and because of that I usually never lie. I usually feel sick if I ever try to keep something from someone.

    I also hate censoring myself when I feel like people don’t understand me or don’t get me. Ugh feel better girl! It’ll pass and you’ll feel bright and sunny in no time 😀

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: