A random, eclectic mix of thoughts, feelings, observations, and experiences – LIFE

5 Frustrations

Today, I complain. I just have to, ok?
  1. Mother has been back and forth to a neurosurgeon in Florida. There have been lots of tests, and lots of money has been spent. This morning she got a call from the doctor who has been reviewing all of her scans from 2002. It is now known that she does NOT has MS. Well then why does she have problems with her legs? Why was she unable to walk for weeks? Why has she be paying thousands of dollars per month for Avonex? What does she ACTUALLY have? No idea. That’s what. Absolutely no idea what the hell is wrong with her. Did I mention that the local neurologist she sees is a total dumbass? Yeah. I kinda have it in for the moron.
  2. I have not yet found a job. This sucks. I need a steady income. I can survive, money-wise, but not forever. I’m really not enjoying my time at home. This is largely due to the fact that I do not have a proper workspace (where I could be getting writing done), the internet is up and down all the time (I lose replies to posts and emails a LOT), and Babe and I have to share a computer. I have a hard time with it because it always feels like what I want/need to do is less important or significant than whatever she is doing. There are a lot of things I need to do right now that probably appear to be frivolous, but are not. It’s extremely important that I build my author platform, do as much research as possible, and stay connected to the indie writing community. I don’t want to constantly ask to use the computer, but I don’t want to sit idly either. I am failing to strike the balance. And no, having a schedule does not work. Note: This is not an attack on Babe. The situation is not her fault.
  3. I’m writing children’s stories. They need illustrations. It’s a fail. I have yet to find an illustrator for this project. I need someone who will stick with it at least until the end of the year. I’m doing a series, so the illustrations have to be consistent. The characters, the scenery, the overall style… I want to bang out 6 stories/books by the end of the year. It’s not looking good. Artists in this country are some combination of flaky, unprofessional, expensive, too laid back, poor communicators, and overly opinionated. I just want someone to meet my requirements (which include professionalism and ability to meet deadlines), complete the project on time, and not kill me with the price. Apparently, this is too much to ask. I’ve started looking elsewhere. I’m hoping to find a student or recent grad who will take this on. Blaaaaah!
  4. I have not been working out. At all. It’s one of my ROW80 goals to run 4 times per week, and it is NOT happening. It sucks. Not only because I am not meeting a goal, but because it makes me feel like crap. I tend to be more lethargic and listless when I don’t get enough physical activity. I need to fix this. I did some yoga this evening. That’s a start, right?
  5. FROGS. I freaking HATE the nasty little pieces of crap. With the rain we’ve been getting recently, they are showing up more. I had three scares in 24 hours. I don’t know what to do. And no, I will not get over my irrational fear of them. They are GROSS. DISGUSTING. 
In the midst of all this, I have managed to get some writing done. Unfortunately, it is all over the place. I have six files going on my Neo2. Yep. That’s six different pieces. One is a flash fiction which I think is quite interesting. I’m excited about transferring it to the computer to edit, edit, edit. I’ll be submitting it for a competition this month. The other files are all the beginnings of short stories. I really have no idea where four of them are going. I just kind of started them all on whims. The fifth one, I have a better handle on. I can see where it’s going. Is it weird that I plan, plan, plan my novels, but I pants my short stories? Maybe. But my
process is my process, right?
How about you? How is your week going? Any frustrations? Do you see the light at the end of the tunnel?
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Comments on: "5 Frustrations" (16)

  1. Quick question about your search for an illustrator…are you self-publishing or are you going to submit your work to a literary agent or a traditional publisher? I ask because if you are not self-pubbing then an illustrator will be found by the traditional publisher who accepts your book. I just wanted to throw that out there in case that was the route you’re taking–it could save you some major headaches.

    Otherwise, if you’re self-pubbing, my next question is have you tried networking through LinkedIn?

    • Definitely gonna self-pub. I know publishers find the illustrator, and that’s one of the many things I’m not too keen on. Except for them doing the work, of course. I want to be in touch with the illustrator and make sure they know exactly what I want to see in my books. My main reason for self-pubbing the children’s books is the lack of publishers here, and the size and type of market we have in The Bahamas. They wouldn’t really be able to do anything for me that I can’t do for myself, or hire someone to do without losing lots of $$$.

      LinkedIn: No. I really, really don’t like LinkedIn. I may have to suck it up and see what happens. It’s just messy to me. AND I have it set up for something other than writing – non-profit work. I’d have to go in and change that. Another frustration: All this social media that forces users into a box. Grrr! Maybe I’ll create yet ANOTHER account. (I’m going to have to start recording all my log-in info somewhere. LOL)

      Thanks for the help!

      • Sure thing. Well, if you decide to go back to LinkedIn, look me up and let’s connect. I’m Kathryn Johnston but you might be able to find me under 4amWriter, too 🙂

        I haven’t made the use of LInkedIn that I should. I agree with you that it seems a little disorganized. One of my plans this summer is to wade through it and see exactly how I can use it to its full potential.

        • Will do!
          That’s a good idea. Maybe that’ll be one of my goals for the next round of ROW80. That and the rest of the author platform stuff I desperately need to do.

  2. I hope everything gets better! May you find the time for yourself to exercise or to find the way of peace within your mind. It seems a lot of people’s lives are so busy now a days, even my own.

  3. Just Rambling said:

    Ugh, sure… it’s OK to complain. I just hope things will get better soon, like really soon for you! Also your mom, that must be SO SO frustrating. Some people might think, ‘hey! be happy! It’s not MS!’. Well… it just doesn’t work that way… it’s clear that she’s not doing right and so there has to be something. Anyway, chin up! Hope things will get better really really soon! Hugs!

    • Thanks, Ruthie!
      I don’t like complaining, and I really try not to do it, but sometimes… Ya just GOTTA. Haha.
      Re: MS – EXACTLY. That’s how I feel. It’s annoying me that people keep saying, “At least it’s not MS!” We can’t say that yet since we have NO IDEA what it really is. It could be worse!
      *raises chin* Yes, ma’am! Thinking positive thoughts. 🙂

  4. Go on and complain! It is natural and I think too many people want to gloss over the fact that things in the world are really shitty at the moment. Doesn’t mean there isn’t good but I like to vent but then yes get back to putting things in perspective. My main frustration at the moment is my job search. I am lucky to have a full time position but I hate it with a passion and can’t wait to hand in my notice. Good luck with everything.

    • You’re right. It’s hard to be sunny side-up all the time.
      Oh, man. I was in your shoes just months ago. Then I found the perfect job, but was working for some real whack jobs. Now I’m back on the unemployment line. I’m hoping to make something work for myself so I don’t have to work for crazies any more, but it looks like I need to find a job and SAVE, SAVE, SAVE before I can do anything. Independence costs money!

      Good luck to you too! I know how hard it is to spend hours and hours at a job that just isn’t for you.

  5. I hope things get brighter soon! Be proud of your writing and all you’ve achieved!

  6. laci512 said:

    My heart goes out to you and your mother. I work with a lady who was diagnosed with MS about 9 years ago and this year she went to a new dr. and had to do a spinal thing (not sure of the details of exactly what it was) because her new dr wasn’t convinced that it truly is MS. I couldn’t imagine having to pay for the medications for 9 years to find out that it wasn’t MS. But her test results showed that it is MS. I hope things turn around for you.

    • She probably had a spinal tap. I think it’s the most fool-proof way to find out if it’s MS. My mother attempted to have one (well after her diagnosis), but she couldn’t stand the pain. She ended up screaming bloody murder, and cried for hours and hours after. It was really painful, and weeks later she said she could still feel the needle in her back. It’s nuts.
      I’m hoping we find out what it is very soon. I’m trying to convince her (and failing) to switch doctors. I just don’t think this guy is competent. *sighs*

  7. I always wanted to children’s books too. But I guess my mind is preoccupied with a lot of worldly frustrations and things need not to be mentioned LOL so I won’t make it a good example for kids. 😀

    Anyway, I’m including your mother in my prayers. Have a great day!

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