A random, eclectic mix of thoughts, feelings, observations, and experiences – LIFE

Archive for May, 2012

Five Question Friday

1. Are you a napper?
No. I hate naps. They just make me really cranky when I get up. 

2. What was your favorite subject in school? Most hated?
My favourite subjects were math and English, and I could never choose one over the other. Then economics came along in the tenth grade. FAVE. Most hated was definitely science, and then biology when it came along in tenth grade.

3. Did you have the something old new borrowed and blue at your wedding? What were they?
Haven’t had a wedding yet, and I don’t plan to do that. Maybe I’ll have something cold, stolen, gifted, and green. I don’t know. Lol.

4. What one thing are you determined to do this summer?
Get my children’s book series going!

5. Ice cream or Popsicles?

Ice cream!

Join the fun! Answer the questions in your own post and link here. And, of course, tell me about it so I can go read it!

Update 3-2-1

It’s been a while, hasn’t it? I haven’t forgotten my blog. It’s just been crazy. We switched ISPs (because the old one was TERRIBLE), so we thought we were without service for a bit. It turns out that our services overlapped, but anyway… Long story.

Three Things I’m Thankful For:

  1. Job interview on Saturday (I’d LOVE to get this job – of course it’s with a non-profit org – but I don’t want to get excited. The disappointment would be too much. The requirements/qualifications listed are EXTENSIVE, and I don’t really have them in the terms they stated them in, but HEY! I got an interview!)
  2. Decent internet service
  3. Making progress (even if it’s just a tiny bit) on my children’s books and finding illustrators

Two Notes on ROW80

  1. I’m still in the game! I’ve completed my character profiles and sent them to the critique group. Only one response so far – which was really positive – and I wish everyone else would get to it! I know everyone is super busy though. Blah! I also have a plan for my author platform, and I hope to get it going in July. I’m well on my way to planning out the chapters of my novel after reading Donald Maass’ book on writing the “breakout” novel. Today, I’m getting down to business and writing the first chapter. WOO!
  2. I’m cutting myself slack on the running, and signing up for a 5k. The weather has not been conducive to running outdoors, and I don’t have a treadmill or a gym membership. Also, I don’t want to sign up for anything that costs money. I’m jobless, so it would be a bit reckless of me to sign up and pay for an event, and not be able to travel for it.

One Thing I Need to DO. SOON

  1. Send in my letter for approval of n at-home business. This is a prerequisite for a business license (for an at-home business) which is a prerequisite for the $5000 government grants for business. I could REALLY use that money to get my books illustrated and printed. Must.get.my.butt.in.gear.

What’s up with you? Working on any new projects? What do you need to just get out there and DO?

Thankful Thursday

You’re ready aren’t you? You know what day it is! Let’s go!

Today, I’m thankful for:

  • An oscillating fan (It is hoootttttt up in here!)
  • Rain (It’s cooling the earth a bit)
  • Cereal (Such a quick and easy fix)
  • Yogurt (Snackedy, snackedy!)
  • Water bottles (The individual, reusable ones. If they didn’t exist, I would never drink any water)
  • Yoga (Calms me right down)
  • Online communities (Particularly writing communities; lots of great links, tips, and resources are shared)
  • Birthday cakes (How else would we celebrate birthdays?! Nothing would do quite like a cake does.)
  • Third piece of my 4 year old niece’s birthday cake (I was the first aunt to get cake! Only a cousin and her dad were before me. Special auntie!)
  • Progress on my ROW80 goals (Yeah, I know I’m not checking in on Sunday and Wednesdays like I’m supposed. That is just WAY too often for me. I MIGHT decided to do once per week for the duration of the challenge, but no more than that.)
  • Blog buddies + their posts + their comments on my posts + their encouragement. Y’all rock!

How about you? What are you thankful for today?

5 Frustrations

Today, I complain. I just have to, ok?
  1. Mother has been back and forth to a neurosurgeon in Florida. There have been lots of tests, and lots of money has been spent. This morning she got a call from the doctor who has been reviewing all of her scans from 2002. It is now known that she does NOT has MS. Well then why does she have problems with her legs? Why was she unable to walk for weeks? Why has she be paying thousands of dollars per month for Avonex? What does she ACTUALLY have? No idea. That’s what. Absolutely no idea what the hell is wrong with her. Did I mention that the local neurologist she sees is a total dumbass? Yeah. I kinda have it in for the moron.
  2. I have not yet found a job. This sucks. I need a steady income. I can survive, money-wise, but not forever. I’m really not enjoying my time at home. This is largely due to the fact that I do not have a proper workspace (where I could be getting writing done), the internet is up and down all the time (I lose replies to posts and emails a LOT), and Babe and I have to share a computer. I have a hard time with it because it always feels like what I want/need to do is less important or significant than whatever she is doing. There are a lot of things I need to do right now that probably appear to be frivolous, but are not. It’s extremely important that I build my author platform, do as much research as possible, and stay connected to the indie writing community. I don’t want to constantly ask to use the computer, but I don’t want to sit idly either. I am failing to strike the balance. And no, having a schedule does not work. Note: This is not an attack on Babe. The situation is not her fault.
  3. I’m writing children’s stories. They need illustrations. It’s a fail. I have yet to find an illustrator for this project. I need someone who will stick with it at least until the end of the year. I’m doing a series, so the illustrations have to be consistent. The characters, the scenery, the overall style… I want to bang out 6 stories/books by the end of the year. It’s not looking good. Artists in this country are some combination of flaky, unprofessional, expensive, too laid back, poor communicators, and overly opinionated. I just want someone to meet my requirements (which include professionalism and ability to meet deadlines), complete the project on time, and not kill me with the price. Apparently, this is too much to ask. I’ve started looking elsewhere. I’m hoping to find a student or recent grad who will take this on. Blaaaaah!
  4. I have not been working out. At all. It’s one of my ROW80 goals to run 4 times per week, and it is NOT happening. It sucks. Not only because I am not meeting a goal, but because it makes me feel like crap. I tend to be more lethargic and listless when I don’t get enough physical activity. I need to fix this. I did some yoga this evening. That’s a start, right?
  5. FROGS. I freaking HATE the nasty little pieces of crap. With the rain we’ve been getting recently, they are showing up more. I had three scares in 24 hours. I don’t know what to do. And no, I will not get over my irrational fear of them. They are GROSS. DISGUSTING. 
In the midst of all this, I have managed to get some writing done. Unfortunately, it is all over the place. I have six files going on my Neo2. Yep. That’s six different pieces. One is a flash fiction which I think is quite interesting. I’m excited about transferring it to the computer to edit, edit, edit. I’ll be submitting it for a competition this month. The other files are all the beginnings of short stories. I really have no idea where four of them are going. I just kind of started them all on whims. The fifth one, I have a better handle on. I can see where it’s going. Is it weird that I plan, plan, plan my novels, but I pants my short stories? Maybe. But my
process is my process, right?
How about you? How is your week going? Any frustrations? Do you see the light at the end of the tunnel?

Mother’s Day Flower

She tried to make me give him a flower. It wasn’t fair. I refused. No. I will not give him flowers. That’s stupid.

“He’s your daddy, and he’s being your mommy too.”

Oh, really? And who’s fault is that? Not mine. I’m 10 years old, and all I have is a father. My mother is gone. I hardly ever see her, and it’s his fault. I will not give him flowers. I will not reward him for the pain he has caused me. I refuse.

“Show some appreciation. He does everything for you. Pays your school fees, makes your breakfast, packs your lunch…”

I don’t care. These things happen when you have children. You grow up, and you have to do things that you may not have had to do if you didn’t have them. Moreover, when you drive your children’s mother out of their lives, there are gaps you have to fill in. No. I will not give him flowers. I will not make him feel good about what is he doing. He is doing it because of what he has done.

“Just give him the flowers for Mothers Day. It won’t take anything off you.”

No, it won’t. Because I won’t do it. I will not do the wrong thing. Just because you’re an adult doesn’t mean I have to listen to you. I will not give my father flowers for his slaps, punches, pushes, angry words, high speed chases, and embarrassing scenes. I will not. You cannot make me.

“You are being ungrateful. Why are you so uncaring?”

This is what happens. This is the result. I got tired of feeling, so I gave myself over to numbness. This is much better. Give me that ginger lily. I’ll give it to him. I will hand it to him like my school bag. Something to carry for me. It’s the least he can do. I carry so much because of him. Not for him. Never for him. But because of him. And when I take the ginger lily back from him, I hope he knows what it means. That I am taking back every care I ever had. I am taking back that unconditional love that children give to their parents. I am taking back my trust. I am taking back that flower. He does not deserve, and he can’t keep it. He can only carry it until I’m ready to take it back.

No, I did not give him the flower. He didn’t deserve it. And neither did I. I didn’t deserve any of it. None of the things he did to me, intentionally or unintentionally. I certainly was not going to do something to myself that I didn’t deserve. I refused to lie. A gift to him would have been a lie. A lie I refused to tell. I kept that ginger lily, hidden away. When he found it, it was dead. Just like everything inside his little girl.

100 English Words

As I read, I make note of words I’ve never seen or heard before, are interesting, or are underused. I keep them in my writing journal. Even when I don’t have it near me, I write the words on the newspaper, napkins, scraps of paper… Anything in my reach. Everyone loves beautiful words, right?

Here are 100 beautiful words that I StumbledUpon a while back, and never got around to sharing:

Ailurophile A cat-lover.

Assemblage A gathering.

Becoming Attractive.

Beleaguer To exhaust with attacks.

Brood To think alone.

Bucolic In a lovely rural setting.

Bungalow A small, cozy cottage.

Chatoyant Like a cat’s eye.

Comely Attractive.

Conflate To blend together.

Cynosure A focal point of admiration.

Dalliance A brief love affair.

Demesne Dominion, territory.

Demure Shy and reserved.

Denouement The resolution of a mystery.

Desuetude Disuse.

Desultory Slow, sluggish.

Diaphanous Filmy.

Dissemble Deceive.

Dulcet Sweet, sugary.

Ebullience Bubbling enthusiasm.

Effervescent Bubbly.

Efflorescence Flowering, blooming.

Elision Dropping a sound or syllable in a word.

Elixir A good potion.

Eloquence Beauty and persuasion in speech.

Embrocation Rubbing on a lotion.

Emollient A softener.

Ephemeral Short-lived.

Epiphany A sudden revelation.

Erstwhile At one time, for a time.

Ethereal Gaseous, invisible but detectable.

Evanescent Vanishing quickly, lasting a very short time.

Evocative Suggestive.

Fetching Pretty.

Felicity Pleasantness.

Forbearance Withholding response to provocation.

Fugacious Fleeting.

Furtive Shifty, sneaky.

Gambol To skip or leap about joyfully.

Glamour Beauty.

Gossamer The finest piece of thread, a spider’s silk.

Halcyon Happy, sunny, care-free.

Harbinger Messenger with news of the future.

Imbrication Overlapping and forming a regular pattern.

Imbroglio An altercation or complicated situation.

Imbue To infuse, instill.

Incipient Beginning, in an early stage.

Ineffable Unutterable, inexpressible.

Ingénue A naïve young woman.

Inglenook A cozy nook by the hearth.

Insouciance Blithe nonchalance.

Inure To become jaded.

Labyrinthine Twisting and turning.

Lagniappe A special kind of gift.

Lagoon A small gulf or inlet.

Languor Listlessness, inactivity.

Lassitude Weariness, listlessness.

Leisure Free time.

Lilt To move musically or lively.

Lissome Slender and graceful.

Lithe Slender and flexible.

Love Deep affection.

Mellifluous Sweet sounding.

Moiety One of two equal parts.

Mondegreen A slip of the ear.

Murmurous Murmuring.

Nemesis An unconquerable archenemy.

Offing The sea between the horizon and the offshore.

Onomatopoeia A word that sounds like its meaning.

Opulent Lush, luxuriant.

Palimpsest A manuscript written over earlier ones.

Panacea A solution for all problems

Panoply A complete set.

Pastiche An art work combining materials from various sources.

Penumbra A half-shadow.

Petrichor The smell of earth after rain.

Plethora A large quantity.

Propinquity Proximity; Nearness

Pyrrhic Successful with heavy losses.

Quintessential Most essential.

Ratatouille A spicy French stew.

Ravel To knit or unknit.

Redolent Fragrant.

Riparian By the bank of a stream.

Ripple A very small wave.

Scintilla A spark or very small thing.

Sempiternal Eternal.

Seraglio Rich, luxurious oriental palace or harem.

Serendipity Finding something nice while looking for something else.

Summery Light, delicate or warm and sunny.

Sumptuous Lush, luxurious.

Surreptitious Secretive, sneaky.

Susquehanna A river in Pennsylvania.

Susurrous Whispering, hissing.

Talisman A good luck charm.

Tintinnabulation Tinkling.

Umbrella Protection from sun or rain.

Untoward Unseemly, inappropriate.

Vestigial In trace amounts.

Wafture Waving.

Wherewithal The means.

Woebegone Sorrowful, downcast.

Source: 100 Most beautiful words in the English language* | Deshoda – StumbleUpon.

What are some of your favourite words? Learned any new words lately? Does the underuse of a particular word pain you?

Sunday Stealing Meme

Sunday Stealing Meme Questions

1. When you’re home alone, do you still close the door when you use the restroom?

No.

2. If you have to go grocery shopping, would you rather go alone or with someone?

I hate grocery shopping here, and feel better about it if the task is split. Sometimes, I feel like I get it done faster when I go alone. It really depends. One thing I like about going alone is knowing what I have in the cart, and what the cost of the items is. I keep a tally in my head.

3. It’s your best friend’s birthday. Would you buy them a gift even if they didn’t buy you one for yours?

Yeah, I like getting gifts for people. Especially if I know them well, and have an understanding of what they like/want/need.

4. You win the lottery. Lump sum or small payments over a period of time? Why?

ALL of it NOW. I’m an economics brain. A dollar today is worth more than a dollar tomorrow.

5. Do you like your music loud, or at a reasonable level?

Is loud not reasonable? What is a reasonable level?

6. Are you a beach person, or a snowy mountain person?

Beach.

7. When do you brush your teeth? 

FIRST thing in the morning, and last (or almost last) thing at night. And usually somewhere in between.

8. Can you watch scary movies alone?

That would be my preference.

9. Soft bed or firm? And in fantasy land, who’s in it with you?

More firm than soft, I think. Babe. Who else?

10. Would you rather stay home all day, or be out and about?

I haaaaate being at home all day. I need to get fresh air. Be outside. Take a walk. SOMEthing. I also hate traffic, so I’m not a fan of being out in it all day. *shrugs

11. What’s one of your worst memories (that you are comfortable sharing)?

My great-grandmother’s grief after the death of my grandfather.

12. Do you like to keep the peace or be confrontational?

I HATE confrontation. Hate it. I prefer to address issues in a calm, un-accusing manner.

I know that when someone addressing something with me and uses YOU YOU YOU and makes assumptions, it really pisses me off, and I am automatically on the defense, and their message is lost on me. I just shut down. Either I tell them to screw off, or I am completely unresponsive and whenever they feel they are done, I am happy to be on my way. Knowing this, I do my best not to take that approach, but to center what I am saying around me, and the way that I feel rather than what they DO DO DO.

13. Are you more likely to be with a large group of people, or a few close friends?

A few.

14. What are your plans for October?

Launch series of children’s books. That’s about it.

15. If money were not a problem, where would you like to live?

Canada. Not sure which province.

16. What is your ideal profession?

If I had children, stay-at-home mumma!

Senior management of a non-profit organization, preferably geared toward youth work.

And writer.

17. Are you close to your Mom and Dad?

Close enough.

18. What is one fear that you can’t seem to overcome?

Hmmm… Of animals, I guess.

19. Are you good at math?

Exceptional even!

 

If you feel like answering the questions, share the link so I can read them. 🙂