This weekend, there were a few things that I wanted to do. Lots of changes have happened with the plans, and now I’m just not interested. I’m not very flexible. I make a conscious effort to be, but right now, I can’t be bothered. When plans change, I get really annoyed, or very uninterested. Especially with things that I talk myself into. For example, a book binding workshop was scheduled for Saturday and Sunday. Help was needed to bind booklets for another event, so teaching people how to do it was an easy way to get help, I guess. I RSVPed on Facebook. A few days ago, they said they no longer need to bind the books, but will host a free workshop anyway, and people can make scrapbooks. Me? No longer interested. Thanks, but no thanks. I have no desire to express any sort of creativity, or to sit around doing something very basic (because I suck at artsy things) while people around me are doing awesome things. No, thanks. I talked myself into doing the book binding thing that would have simply been following instructions. I’m not interested in pressuring myself to be creative, and make my own scrapbook. Screw it.
March 16, 2012
Five Question Friday time!
1. Will you run to the store or to pick up a kid looking a mess?
Looking a mess? Not quite. I wouldn’t doll up. A short dress or shorts and a tank would do. I’d put a cap on if my 1 inch hair doesn’t meet society’s standards. Lol. I rolled out of bed one night to get my niece from a party, and I just threw on a short dress and flip-flops. *shrugs* I figure I’m fine as long as I can step out of the car, and manage to put air in the tires.
2. Do you finish a book if it’s boring or you don’t like it?
Never. Babe has tried to get me to read one or two books that I just could not get into. I had to explain to her that reading is something that I do for pleasure. I have always loved it. There are far too many good books out there – books that I can appreciate – for me to waste time fighting through books that I just don’t like. If the first few pages don’t grab me, I don’t see how I can end up liking it. The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo is a prime example (though not Babe’s suggestion). People kept telling me that if I “could just get through the first 100 pages…” Um, what?! No. I’m not supposed to feel like I’m working. The AUTHOR was supposed to do the work. He/She is supposed to make me WANT to read it. Fail.
3. Beach or mountain vacations?
Since I live on an island, I’ll go with mountain vacations. I’d love to be able to climb and hike. I’d still like to have an island vacation (on a different island of The Bahamas) at some point. I think it would be terrible to travel all over the world, but not know/see/experience what is in my own backyard. 700 islands and cays (not all inhabited)… I need to go to at least 5 of them.
4. What thing/event says “winter will end and spring is right around the corner” to you?
When the water gets warm again, I guess. We don’t really have a winter here. When I lived in Halifax, it was tulips. Seeing them pop up always made me smile.
5. Would you prefer couples or family vacation?
I really don’t know. I’ve never had either. I think both would be great. If I had to choose right now, I’d go with couples since we don’t have a family. Yet.
My week has been pretty good. It got rocky yesterday evening. Seriously, it doesn’t take much to change my mood sometimes. I was quite happy and feeling good until ONE comment was made. I’m under a lot of pressure these days, and I’m finding it a lot harder to deal with being told what to do and how to do it, random, unwanted criticism, and negativity. I’m just not in a place to deal with it in a positive way. I’m also not in a place where I can respond to issues as they arise. I am not a confrontational person to begin with, but at this time, I feel that I am a lot more likely to curl into myself. I’m a loner by nature. It’s only by very intentional thoughts and actions that I interact with others. It’s been a work in progress for a long time, and I don’t expect it to just flow every single day. Some days are harder than others, I guess.
I think I may be overdue for a good cry. Or scream session? I am SO not a crier, but because I don’t talk, talk, talk, a lot of things never get out of my system until I actually breakdown and cry. Lucky for me, I’ve been running and practicing yoga. This has definitely been helping. I’m one of those people that needs to be active, and using exercise as a release and refresher. Nothing wrong with that, right?
Ok, whoooa. Lemme slow down. It’s still been a good week. I got a lot of things done. Yes, there is still a lot left to do. Yes, a lot of people have pissed me off this week. Work is getting crazy. The event is 29 days away. Hooolyyy! I’m getting a lot of flack for a lot of things that have nothing to do with me. When I get home, I really just want to relax. But there are things to do. Cleaning. Cooking. I can’t expect Babe to continue to do it all. I really have to pull my own weight. Then, of course, there’s the writing. It has to happen.
BALANCE. BALANCE. BALANCE. Balance is what I’m striving for. It’s always been what I’ve wanted in life. Until this point, I have succeeded. Now, it’s more difficult. I don’t want to say that it’s just not possible for the next 29 days or so. That would be quitting. I can’t quit. I just need to wind down and figure things out. Maybe the weekend (with nothing to do) will help. Maybe.
Random thing I just remembered: My birthday is in two weeks. There are/will be no plans. It will suck. I am (mentally/emotionally) ready.
The silver-lining to all these clouds: I am alive. And living. Not just breathing. And there will always be a better day.
How was your week? Do you have plans for the weekend? How do you express yourself best?