A random, eclectic mix of thoughts, feelings, observations, and experiences – LIFE

Archive for January, 2012

Five Question Friday

1. Where do you hide the reeeally good snacks?
At work, they’re in my second drawer in a set of 3 locked drawers. At home, we have a special cupboard for the goodies. M&Ms, oreos, nutella, popcorn… All the yumminess is in there. I also keep a nice stash in my bag because I am a really big snacker. I GOTTA snack.
2. Do u keep your vehicle clean or am I the only one who has things falling out of their van?
I generally keep any vehicle in my possession quite clean. I hate when cars look like people live in them. Right now, I’m using my dad’s/brother’s car, and they both use cars as filing systems. I have been slowly moving their junk to the trunk. Funny point: The car has been loaded down with my work junk for a few weeks now. Every week, I have somewhere to be to set up a registration table for Ride for Hope. For that reason, I’m driving around with save-the-date totebags, tervis tumblers, hats, etc. *sighs* It’s hard to keep it all in the trunk, along with my dad’s/brother’s junk. I’m doing the best I can.
3. Have you ever been to Vegas?
No. Vegas holds no appeal for me. At all. *shrugs*
4. Warm room light blankets or cold room warm snuggly blanket?
Cold room with a warm snuggly blanket! And hot chocolate. And a warm body. And cuddles. Love it.
5. What is the worst airplane/flying experience you’ve ever had?
To keep this short, I’ll tell it in point form.
  • My dad, an eternally late man, got me to the airport later than the recommended 2 hours before flight time.
  • The line was super freaking long to check-in. There were probably only 2 agents working. I was on the line for over an hour.
  • Got to the front of the line, and the agent told me it was too late to check-in. This is in Miami. I needed to get to New York to get my flight to Halifax. She was not bending.
  • My dad got annoyed. He told her to check me in.
  • The agent told him that we came too late, and she saw when we joined the line at [insert time here], and we should have been there from [insert time here].
  • My dad has zero tolerance for pretty much everything. Poor customer service? He is NOT the one. He went INSANE. Swearing, gesturing, and demanding a manager.
  • The manager finally came out. He told the agent to leave. By this time, the flight was closed. I could have been checked-in and on my way to the gate. The manager totally gets this.
  • I already missed the flight. The security line is LONG. There are no available seats on any other flights to New York for that day. (This is not okay. I need to get to school. My parents are in Miami, but leaving the next day. I NEED to leave Miami.) I am put on standby for EVERY flight to New York for the rest of the day. He also gave me a hotel voucher + food vouchers to use in case I get stuck in New York.
  • I spend the day chillin’ at the gates, on standby. This started at about 8am. There isn’t any room on any flights.
  • I FINALLY get on a flight around 7pm. Of course, the flight is coming out of New York, and they’re having MAJOR weather issues.
  • 9pm rolls around. I’m still in Miami. My parents called me and told me to leave the gate area. I went out, past security, to hang out with them. They bought my dinner. I went back through security.
  • Around 10pm the flight finally gets in. BUT. We can’t leave. The weather in New York got horrible again.
  • It’s midnight when we finally leave Miami and head to New York.
  • We get to New York around 2am. There are NO HOTEL ROOMS AVAILABLE in all of New York. The bad weather meant a lot of people were stuck. Lucky me. I had a voucher for a hotel room that was occupied.
  • I left in the New York airport with blankets from the airline. I got the flight out of New York to Halifax around 8am. What a freaking DAY.

Join the Five Question Friday fun!

Wordless Wednesday + Thankful Thursday

In a block of time where things seem to be going wrong, with a domino effect, I must take the time to be thankful…

For things that have not gone wrong.

For new days.

For fresh starts.

For memories.

For the life that is everlasting.

For privilege to have known.

For the privilege to have loved.

For love.

For friendship.

For family.

For opportunities.

For possibilities.

For understanding.

For care.

For strength.

For resolve.

For heart.

For the fight (in me).

For words.

For warmth.

For beginnings.

And for endings.

I'd had a rough day, but look what Babe had ready for me for dinner. Perfection.

4 Things

Things I tell/show myself to keep on keepin’ on…

  1. There is beauty all around us. It’s already there. It’s just up to us to notice it. And appreciate it.
  2. Cute/Quirky/Cool/Different videos for songs I like… Seeker Lover Keeper has a lot of these, and this is probably my favourite.
  3. Family and friendship and support. It’sespecially super cool that people I’ve never met “in real life” have been playing such a big, important role in my life… In particular, as related to what I’m going through right now. There is kindness in the world.
  4. There are things to do. To write. There are writing competitions… Magazines needing writers… Blog posts to do… I can make myself busy. No need to sprawl on the couch, sinking into a state of (do) nothingness. I can write!

Sunday Stealing: The Never Ending Meme Part II

 YAY for fun little things to do that make nice, light blog posts. I need these a LOT these days. Hope my readers aren’t getting tired of the little tidbits about me. 🙂 Never Ending Meme Part Two, y’all. And no, you didn’t miss part one. I haven’t done it yet. Hahaha. I’m so cool and quirky.

Sunday Stealing: The Never Ending Meme, Part Two

Cheers to all of us thieves!

21. Did you go to your high school prom?

I went to a Christian high school that didn’t have dances or anything like that. We had a BANQUET, not a prom. I went. By the time I was dressed and done up and took photos, I couldn’t care less about actually attending the stupid dinner, but of course, I had to. My mother spent a ridiculous amount of money on the night. To give you an idea, my dress cost about $600. You bet your navy blue and white knickers I went.

22. Perfect time to wake up?

7am. Time I actually NEED to get up (when I have a car)? 6:30am.

23. Perfect time to go to bed?

11pm. Time I actually go to bed? Varies. A LOT. It is far more often too early than it is too late.

24. Do you use your queen right away in chess?

Nope!

25. Ever been in a car accident?

Yes.

26. Closer to mom or dad…or neither?

Depends on the day of the week. Lol.

27. What age is this exciting life over for you?

Huh?!

28. What decade during the 20th century would you have chosen to be a teenager?

The freaking 70s! I wish I could be in my 20s in the 80s! Hell! I’d even settle for being a teenage in the 80s, and in my 20s in the 90s. It’s ALL good.

29. Favorite shoes you have EVER owned?

Not big on shoes. AT ALL. I guess that most excited I’ve ever been about shoes was fifth grade. My mum bought me a pair of brown mary janes that had a thick, high-ish (relative to my age) heel. They were pretty cool.

30. Do you have an article of clothing you have had since you were in high school?

Yep. I have some of my t-shirts from my 6th grade class trip. I’ll take a photo and post some time.

31. Were you in track and field?

Hahahahahahahahhaha. AAahahahahahahahahahaha. Hahahahahahhahahahahaha. Good one.

32. Were you ever in a school talent show?

Nope. I was in the Christmas plays a few times though.

33. Have you ever written in a library book?

Nope.

34. Allergic to?

Stupidity.

I had an allergy to brown rice (an ingredient that snuck up on me in biscuits and stuff) at some point. It made me break out. My parents took me to a super expensive doctor who neutralized me to it with some machine. *shrugs*

35. Favorite fruit?

Tough call. Gonna go with mango. 🙂

You already know I do things my own way. I guess I’ll do part one later in the week. Lol. If you decide to do this, link back! 🙂

Therapy Post

Never too many flowers for Grammy. The wreaths completely covered her grave. But we'll keep her memory uncovered. Never to be forgotten.

It’s been a while, I know. I’ve had quite a rough time. I would like for it to end. I really thought that Saturday would bring it to a close, and I would go to sleep, and magically, on Sunday morning, all would be right with the world. No.such.luck. I woke up, yes. But nothing was right. I felt out of it. I still had a killer headache. I curled up on the couch and just slept. I read a little, but mostly? I just slept. I woke up when it was past the time that I should have been on the road, on my way to the weekly FamJam. I refused to be early. I didn’t want anyone to talk about it.

I didn’t want to hear how beautiful the service was. I didn’t want anyone to mention how “good” she looked. How good could she look, laying in a box? I mean, there’s no denying that she was a beautiful woman. Beyond beautiful. But don’t insult me. Or her. Don’t say she looked good, laying there, dead, in a really expensive, beautiful box. No. I don’t want to hear it. I didn’t want to hear people tease about how my mother went up with her twin brother to read a responsive prayer, but didn’t actually read anything. I didn’t want anyone to jest about anything. It was a funeral. It was somber. It was a rough time for everyone. There is really no need to rehash it.

I didn’t want anyone to comment on the fact that a lot of dignitaries were present. My uncle is kind of a big deal here, so yes, ministers of the gospel and ministers of government departments were there. I didn’t want people to say how good the Prime Minister looked for a change. Or how nice it was for the Deputy Prime Minister to attend, although he was on crutches. Or how the political divide was absent as the leader of the Opposition was also there. I didn’t want anyone to go on and on about how respected my uncle must be, to have so many people in their uniforms there, in support of him. Or my sister’s coworkers who were also there in a large number, uniformed. Or my mother’s friends who were not in uniform, but were there, nonetheless. They were there to help me from the graveside to the car. To tell me that things would be okay. To remind me to be strong for my mother. To give warm hugs. To assure me that I could call them any time. How kind, to be there for her, and for me too. How kind. What true friends.

I wanted to hear no talk of the beautiful solos. That lady really sang. She saaang. Like there would be no tomorrow. The words she sand penetrated my body, and seemed to fight to get out of my system, but they were trapped, and my body shook. I didn’t want anyone to bring it to my recollection. I didn’t want to think about it, or experience it again. The way I cried with no control. I didn’t want to hear, even in my mind’s ear, the sounds that escaped my mouth. Knowing that I’ve never cried like that before. Not at a funeral. I’m accustomed to crying quietly. No one around me would ever know I was crying unless they saw my tear-stained face. But not that day. That day, people saw the vibrations of pain and grief move my body, beyond my control. People heard the sounds of anguish and struggle exit my mouth, surprising even me. When that lady sang the second solo, I could have curled up and died. Great is thy faithfulness? Who’s faithfulness? Who was more faithful than my Grammy? WHO?! GOD?! God has been faithful in watching and letting us suffer through her illness with her, and taking her away from us, leaving us to continue to suffer without her. Yes, she’s out of it now. But only after immense pain. Maybe she was holding on for us? I don’t know… Maybe His faithfulness is great. I just know that hearing her sing about it… It was almost too much for me to take. I saw my mother, two rows ahead of me, shake, similar to the way that I shook. I saw my father wipe his face with a handkerchief. I remembered that Great is Thy Faithfulness was my grandfather’s (his father’s) favourite song. A priest sang it at his funeral. And the church became a forest of waterfalls.

I didn’t want to fall victim to looks of pity. Or questions like, “How are you doing?” Especially knowing that it was written on my face. My swollen, red eyes told the story of my day. My constant squinting was evidence of the seemingly eternal headache. My tight mouth was an indication of the fight I was in, against myself, to keep from crying. My nose, red and chapped… My hair, unkempt. My dress, unthought of. My legs, unlotioned. How was I doing? As well as a pauper on the street, perhaps?

For all those reasons and more, I refused to go early. I ate in a rush and left the table. Avoiding all conversation. All questions. All eyes. I left. I curled myself up on the couch, and mindlessly watched television. Dragons Den came on. I was pleased. Something that I could watch with the right amount of thoughtfulness and the right amount of thoughtlessness. I watched two episodes. Then there was nothing. I moved into the room without a television. I curled up on the couch with my new nook and read a little. My mother’s friends came to visit her. How nice! I wondered to myself, Will I ever have friends like hers? (Can you tell? I don’t have many friends. At all. There are just a few. I figure I have a lot of family, so no need to pile my life up with useless people. I choose friends carefully.) They drove all this way (my great-grandmother’s house is rather far) to come and see her. They brought her one of those giant greeting cards. Everyone from work signed it, along with nice little messages, telling her they missed her, and hoped to see her back to work soon, and that she needed to get well soon. (This card was not one of sympathy, but a Get Well Soon card, from she was out sick.) Along with the card came a letter-sized envelope. Cash. They took up a collection. I didn’t count it, and at the point, I don’t think she had either. Maybe they told her how much it was. After greeting them, I didn’t pay attention to their conversation. But I’m sure it’s enough to cover her next round of medication. Blessings. Finally. A reason to smile. A little less stress for her. And for me.

I was ready to go home long before it was time. I left my laundry in the washer. I couldn’t take it any more. I was ready.to.go. I got about halfway home before the tears started coming. I found myself intrigued by the way the tears dripped and dropped. Down the sides of my nose, around my mouth, and then DROP. Right onto my chest. They didn’t roll down my chin, down my neck to my chest. They just dropped. Like a jumper off of a cliff. That’s the way I wished my emotions would act. Just jump off of a cliff, never to be seen again. Over the edge, to the point of no return. Instead, they stuck around. Possibly driving me to the edge. Lord knows that if I take the plunge, there won’t be any return. I see the edge. It’s in sight. But I just.can’t.go.there. There would be no turning back.

I hope everyone is having a great week so far. I’m working at keeping busy. Lots going on at work. I haven’t been able to read any blogs. WP wouldn’t let them load. Lots of catching up to do. Those of you who miss my comments, I have not abandoned or unfollowed you. WP has been punishing me. I’ll be back. If you’ve seen any cool/fun/funny posts that I may have missed, please leave links. I could really use some good reads for my spare time. Many thanks!

Wordless Wednesday: Busy!

Guest Post Tuesday! (Ruthie’s Advice)

Have I ever told you about Ruthie? She’s this really cool chica who lives in the Netherlands. How cool is that?! The NETHERLANDS! They ride bikes and ish there. I wanna go there. She’s really nice, but she still hasn’t sent me a ticket. But that’s okay. I think she’s gonna send it to me for Christmas. I think…

Anyway, Ruthie is really cool. Did I mention that? She’s funny too. Her posts are funny to read. They’re light and fluffy like clouds. But not the gray kind. The white, pretty clouds. Ruthie is SOOO freaking nice that she did a guest post for me. AGAIN! Sweet, right?! You’re gonna love it. If you missed the first one, click here. It’s about Acid Rain. This one is about… DUN DUN DUNNNNN… THE END!

2012: The Beginning of the End

2012 has only just begun. I know this year is going to be so exciting; it’s going to be so different. There’s a great surprise in store for all of us… The world is going to end! Oh my gosh! Don’t cry!

Yes, I’m so sorry. You actually thought this post was going to be happy with a lot of flowers, cute smilies, sunshine and all that. Instead it’s a little bit sad because I just told you the world is going to end. We are all going to vanish. Poof! The world will be gone in a second, just like the cute foggy clouds coming from your mouth when it’s cold.

When you live where it’s so hot you can fry eggs on your pavement you have no idea what I’m talking about. That’s okay. Don’t feel bad about that.

Maybe you can still turn this year into a great year.

That’s what this post is all about. I’m resolved to help you make this year the best year of your life, because this is your last.

First I will say that I absolutely don’t believe the world is going to end in 2012. That is just not funny, it’s not practical, it’s stupid, it’s weird and like I said, it’s just not practical. Think about it, the Mayans said the world is going to end on December 21st, 2012. Well, I don’t like that date. They could have said the 27th or so, just for me, because I still want my Christmas presents. I just like Christmas. I’m pretty sure the Mayans needed something to laugh about because they were bored, so someone came up with that funny joke.

Even though I don’t believe the world is going to end, I want to be nice and sweet to those of you who do believe it is all going to end this year. So here I am. I will help you make the most of it.

Don’t cry because of the sad Mayan news. Dry your tears and try to smile every so often, you will feel better when you do and you will look much prettier, trust me.

It is ridiculously important you carefully follow my instructions. If they sound mean, then that’s because they are mean. Just wanted you to know… (more…)

5 Things About My Day

  1. I forgot to bring my lunch. A plate of yummy food (from Sunday dinner, made by my great-gram) is sitting in the fridge at home. I just had yogurt. Before that, I had M&Ms. Before that? An apple. I’m clearly not staying here all day.
  2. I made an appointment to get my nails done. I haven’t had my nails done in over a year. I used to have them done regularly, and they were sooo nice. I got rid of them (gel nails) when I came back to Nassau because they don’t hold up well in humidity. I’m trying shellac nails this time. It’s some sort of special polish that doesn’t chip or anything. It’s supposed to last for two weeks. We’ll see! I’m thinking this may make me feel more ladylike and pretty or something? I don’t know. I’m really just grasping at straws, trying to find things to make me feel better.
  3. We need to go grocery shopping. I’m not sure how I’m going to fit it in. When I get off work, I’m gonna be starving. I need to stop for gas. I’m going to stop by the house and convince Babe to come running with us. Dazzler and I have a standing appointment for runs in the evenings after work. Do you see where grocery shopping can fit in? Me neither. Looks like a Wendy’s-for-dinner sort of night.
  4. Had a meeting. The first one in about a month. It was productive. There is a LOT going on right now. Our event is in NINETY-SIX DAYS! Holy mother! I think my work life is about to be in fast-forward. For 4 months.
  5. I have to pick up my dress for the funeral. Make sure it’s nicely pressed and everything. Mother picked up my shoes for me. YAY! Must remember to get cash to pay her back for ’em. I’ll post pictures of them at some point.

How are you? How’s your day going? What do you do to make yourself feel better when you’re out of it?

Five Question Friday

It’s Friiiii-daaayyy, Friiiii-daaayyy! Gotta get down on Friiiii-daaayyy! Five Question Friday, y’all. Here we go.
 
1. What is the weather like where you are and do you like it?
It’s kind of cool-ish. 73(F), and should be 64(F) tonight. I DO like it, actually. This is perfect weather, to me. I can comfortably wear jeans and a top, and a sweater. Even a scarf in the evening, if I really want to. I like warm clothing. It’s nice to wear shorts and tank tops, but that gets old. It’s easier to like nice when you wear long pants and stuff. And I sleep way better in cooler weather. No matter what the temperature is, I HAVE to be covered up to sleep. This means that heat is brutal at night. It’s just not very nice beach weather, and I really like the beach… Can’t have it all though. Oh! And I just remember something else. I LOVE soup. I feel like making soup. Making and eating soup is ridiculous in the heat. When there’s some chill to the air, though? Perfect.
2. When you’re sick what do you seek comfort from?
I ball myself. On the bed, in the couch, under Babe… Wherever. If I’m by myself, I rock while I’m balled up. The only way I won’t rock is if someone is there to comfort me with their warmth and hugginess. Blankets. Soup. TEA. Tea is a big one for me. Love tea.
3. What do you need to do before the end of the month?
I need to complete the no-longer-than-two-pages description I need to write for the program I want to run. To get a grant of $5,000-10,000. Basically, the US Embassy is giving one-time grants to organizations/community leaders/individuals for HIV/AIDS prevention/education promotion. I have some pretty great ideas, but it will be pretty hard to get support from organizations, community leaders, media, etc. The Bahamas Christian Council has a lot of influence, and seems to scare everyone else into corners. The church and government are not separate here. Not even in theory, honestly. I’m rather unorthodox in my thinking and beliefs. For example, I think the abstainence message is outdated, unrealistic, and ineffective. To go even further, I think that it hurts a lot more than it helps. It just means that young people are ill-equipped, dishonest, and afraid. They do what they want to do behind the backs of all in authority, hurting themselves in the process by not protecting themselves. All because they don’t have what they need. The complete knowledge and understanding of the epidemic, condoms, support. Ok, got a little off track there. I also need to write a short story before the end of the month. I have a million competitions that I’d like to enter.
4. Have you ever served on a jury?
No. I just registered to vote for the first time, and I think the registry of voters is what they use to draft the jury lists. If I got called, I’d answer the questions as best I can to avoid being chosen. I’d probably be a good juror because I’m so non-partisan and by-the-book, but it’s a huge waste of time. Court cases go on for far too long. And the other jurors would probably make me want to kill them. Lol.
5. If you could be any animal, what would you be and why?
Animal? Oh, dear. I really don’t like animals. At all. If I had to BE one… Gaaah! What would I choose? I have no idea. Ummm… I’d be a dolphin. They’re so cool. Mammals of the sea. And they do those cool jumps. Yeah. I’d be a dolphin.
 
Join the Five Question Friday fun! Link up.

Thankful Thursday

This has to be the most difficult Thankful Thursday post ever. I know, I know. I’m only one line in. Hmmm…

I really haven’t enjoyed life lately. Now, that may be partly my fault. Maybe I haven’t done what it would take. Maybe I’ve wallowed in sorrows and misery. Maybe I missed opportunities. I don’t know. Whatever it is that I did wrong (or didn’t do correctly), the result is non-Liciness. You know what’s weird? One minute, I can be quite fine. Then, all of a sudden, SADNESS. Or the grayest grief. Or anger. Or confusion. Or extreme tiredness and lethargy.

Grammy died on Friday, and the funeral was going to be on Saturday (of this week). Well, it’s a no-go because there’s a funeral scheduled at the church at 11am. If it was a bit early, we could have done a 2pm service. No-go. Weekdays are out of the question, apparently. Why? I don’t know. I don’t see what the big deal is. Anyway, the children (of Grammy) have decided that it will be NEXT week Saturday. *looks around for “Bang Head Here” sign* Seriously… How painful! The time in between is the absolute WORST. I just want it to be done. I feel like the funeral will be the thing that I need to get back into gear. Close the chapter of horrible emotions. Anyway… What could I do?

So the hard part… Thinking of things to be thankful for…

  • Change in weather. It’s cooler now. Nothing drastic. It’s not snowing or anything. It’s just substantially different from the the usual 85 degree in the freaking shade. We’re probably in the 70s. FINALLY. It was a WARM Christmas. Anyway, I’m glad it’s cooler. I sleep much better in cooler weather. And I don’t feel the need to shower 12 times every day. Yay.
  • Doritos (Cool Ranch) on my desk. It was good thinking for Babe to bring this can of chips here.
  • 100 days away from Ride for Hope 7! So exciting!
  • I don’t need to buy a bunch of stuff for the funeral. I have unworn black (and black/white) dresses and black shoes. I also have super short hair, so I don’t need to make a hair appointment, spend a bunch of money, or spend hours in a salon. The only purchases I may make are for a black bag (which I need anyway) and a black shawl (because I think I’m going to wear a dress with straps, not sleeves) to make myself decent in the Catholic church.
  • My little 140 character story being Story of the Day yesterday on one forty fiction. Go have a look, and critique. 🙂 (Of course it’s the one by “Lovely_Lici”)
  • No more pain for Grammy.
  • Staci. A really, really good friend to my mother.

 

That’s it for this week. I’d love to see what you’re thankful for. Link up to the blogroll too, if ya like.

What are you thankful for?