Not only is it Thankful Thursday today… It’s Thanksgiving Day. It’s not a holiday in The Bahamas. All together now: BOOOOOOOOOO! Yeah. It sucks. It would be nice to have an entire day at home to sit in the living room, watching tv, waiting for the turkey to be done. Or whatever people do. We don’t have ANY holidays in November. No fair! It’s annoying to think of some of our holidays. We seriously had a holiday called “Colombus Day” which became “Discovery Day” when clearly, Colombus is no hero, and he was NOT the first to set foot upon this land. He DID manage to enslave people. BRAVOOOOO! Anyway, I digress. The point is… Um… What was it again? Basically, I think it’s worth having a holiday to remind people to be THANKFUL. (Un)luckily, this counry is full of psuedo/wannabe-Americans, so we copycat. It’s not a holiday, but there are a LOT turkeys being eaten right now.
I liked Thanksgiving in Halifax when I lived there. Mind you, it was in October. That was fine by me. It was best when I worked for the youth organization. I had three young women living with me. There was also a male home and a co-ed home. For Thanksgiving, we came up with a menu, split it up among the houses, and had sort of a potluck. FUN TIMES! We had a great time cooking together, and then coming together to share the meal, as well as good times. I miss that. A lot. I look forward to having a house full again. A family of my own to feed and sit around the dinner table with. And laugh. And share stories. And love.
I wish for a lot of things. I hope for a lot of things too. I don’t talk about them too much, but they still ARE. And they come up from time to time, so people know. I just don’t harp on them. I know most people are going on about what they’re thankful for today. I won’t break that up by making a list of things I’ll be thankful for SOMEday, but just HOPE for today. Partly because I need to be thankful today, and partly because I don’t feel like crying over the things that have not come to be as yet. Okay, okay. I probably wasn’t gonna actually CRY. You get the point though, right?
SO! I don’t get a day off to do it, but I’m taking some time (on my lunch break) to be thankful. My thankfulness begins now.
I’m thankful for the tears. Every drop. Every moment of sadness. Every time that I could not find the words, and there was no action I could (see to) take. Those times when I just sat down, and let the tears roll. For letting go of whatever the problem was, even if it was just enough to let my body heave, let my eyes get puffy, and let myself feel whatever was going on, and releasing just a little bit of those feelings in every single tear. Now that I’ve cried and allowed myself to feel sadness, I can appreciate the happiness that I now enjoy. I appreciate the smiles. The laughter. The good times.
I’m thankful for the people who did me wrong. For the hurt, the pain, and the unnecessary drama they brought to my life. Now, I can appreciate the beautiful people around me. The people who mean me well. The people who want to see me be happy, and they want it enough to contribute to my happiness. I can appreciate good relationships. Genuine people. Supportive people.
I’m thankful for my moments of weakness. The times when I made the wrong decision because it was easier than the right one. The choices I made because of pressure. The times when I felt that I wasn’t good enough, or strong enough. Now, I can appreciate the strength that I have. My hard-headedness. My resolve. My complete unwillingness to back down when I know that I am right. My ability to make the right choice. My ability to stand up when no one else will, and to be the only voice speaking calmly against the fury of many.
I’m thankful for the times that I was completely alone. The times when I was in relationships with people that were not right for me. I thankful for the people who have overlooked me, not recognized my worth, and did not treat me as I deserved to be treated. Now, I can appreciate the most amazing person in the world loving me without condition, and telling me what I mean to her. I can appreciated the love that we share and the life that we have together.
I’m thankful for my hungry days. No, I’ve never starved. I’ve never gone hungry for more time than it took to get to the fridge/counter/restaurant of my choice. But I have hungered. For love, affection, attention, purpose, a better life… I’m not hungry for those things any more. Now, I can appreciate satisfaction. Fullness. The love, affection, attention, purpose, and better life that I have today. And everyone and everything that helped to make it possible.
I’m thankful for the insane things that have happened in my life. The finanical difficulties. The abuse. The bad relationships. The stress. The hatred. The dread. The imprisonment. I can appreciate the story that my life tells. I can appreciate all of the little stories that lie within me. My ability to retell them. To write them. To help other people. To understand other people. The ability to let things go. To forgive, and to forget. To learn and to grow.
I’m thankful for the years that I was in complete bondage. When what other people thought of me was who I was, and what other people expected of me was what I did. When I limited myself. When all I could do was what was in the expectations of other people for me. When I was not defined by possibility or potential. Just by the people who treated me and spoke to and about me like a chicken. Now, I can appreciate my eagle days. I fully appreciate my ability and willingness to fly. To go wherever I want to do whatever it is that I want to do. The new eyes that I see through. The way that I am able to look at myself now. The goals that I set, and then achieve. They are not taken lightly, because I had to fight (even if the battle was partly with myself) for the freedom. I can appreciate that I am no longer enslaved. Or limited. Or bound by the thoughts, opinions, or expectations of anyone else.
I’m thankful the things I’ve lost. The pounds (not in body weight) I’ve shed. The friends I’ve dropped. The family I’m not in close contact with. The things I have forgotten. I can appreciate the things that take up all of my space. My mental space, my emotional space, my physical space. I appreciate and accept that things are as they should be. I have all that I need. What I don’t have, I don’t need. I’m breathing. And what’s more than that, I’m LIVING. What else could I ask for?
Today, I hope that everyone is thankful. If on no other day, think of the reasons you have to be thankful. You may not be thankful to anyone in particular. Maybe it’s God. Maybe it’s the universe. Maybe it’s chance. Maybe it’s just plain ol’ thankfulness. Gratitude. If you’re not thankful, it’s because you don’t have the right perspective. If that’s the case, I encourage you to go find it. Movement, colour, air, sustainence, technology, an active brain, the capacity to love, freedom of speech, friends, family, opportunity… Most of these are FREE. Some of them, we fight for. Some of them, other people have fought for. Some of them are luxuries to other people. ALL of them are things to be thankful for. But who am I to tell you what to be thankful for? It’s not my place. It’s yours. Take a seat upon the throne of thankfulness. See how good it feels.
Join the Thankful Thursday fun!
What are you thankful for today?