A random, eclectic mix of thoughts, feelings, observations, and experiences – LIFE

Rough Day

Rough day, y’all. I spent a lot of time trying to decide whether or not I should post about it. I ended up in between the two, so I’m going to be kind of vague. By the end of this post, I may spill all of the beans. You may piece it all together, depending on the way that I say what I say. Clearly, I have no idea how I’m going to do this yet. I AM going to do it though. Therapy.

  • I’m not talking about this with the appropriate party because it’s futile, and likely only to serve in making me a lot more upset than I already am. That annoys me to start with.
  • It is completely inappropriate, random, and stupid for a person to demand (or even request) that someone else MAKE and BRING them something to eat. Seriously?! Who ARE you?! You take that type of request to a parent, spouse, life partner, or personal chef. What.the.eff?! If someone asked that of me, I would let them know, straight up, that it’s not my job, it’s not okay to ask me something like that, AND making a meal for someone is a very personal, intimate thing. You don’t just make sandwiches for random people working in your building, or casual acquaintances.
  • If someone with a husband/wife/girlfriend/boyfriend ever made and delivered food to me, I’d question their relationship. Not gonna lie. I’d wonder if the significant other was aware, and how he/she felt about it.
  • People only treat us the way we allow them to treat us. People learn from the way we interact with them how to interact with us. Really, we train people to deal with us. We reap what we sow.
  • Somehow, I pick up things about people. Sense things. Nothing freaky. I just know in an instant whether or not a person is genuine, sort of. I can’t really explain it. Anyway. I’ve never been wrong about it. There have been times when I’ve ignored it for whatever reason, and got kicked in the bum. I know a freak/weirdo/extra-need person when I met one.
  • Yesterday, I ordered a loaf of bread from one of the restaurants that deliver here. Olive loaf. I figured Babe would love it. She loooves olives. $8 for a loaf, y’all. $8. I figure it would be worth it because she’d really enjoy it, just like we enjoyed the $8 asiago loaf I got last week.
  • There are a lot of things that I have not done and would never do because I refuse to disrespect myself, Babe, or our relationship. I know that the people in the relationship set the standard. Everyone else just falls in line/follows suit. That’s the way it is.
  • I turned down a ride home from someone because I know it’s someone Babe isn’t comfortable with, and doesn’t like knowing is around (or in contact with) me. I found alternatives. Why do something that obviously makes her uncomfortable?! And, I mean, for WHAT?! What would be the purpose of that? For her to feel every single minute that I’m stuck in box with the person on the way home? No. Not happening.
  • I hate it when I express my point of view on something, and the person makes me feel like my feelings are not valid. Or my thoughts are crazy. Or I’m some extra sinister, cynical, horrible person. Or I’m frickin’ crazy. Especially when I really do my best to validate their feelings, and be understanding of points of view. We all know that all emotions and all thoughts are not rational, and we won’t share them all. Does that give us the right to disrespect or ignore those that are not in alignment with our own?
  • It really bothers me that this has been bothering me for the ENTIRE day, even though I’ve been actively trying to put it out of my mind (except for the time I spent wondering if I should post about it).
  • This isn’t a conversation that’s going to be finished later. It’s not something I intend to bring up again. Meaning today, or any other day.
  • I haaate when I have those 13-year-old-rebellious-young-person moments when I wanna do something just to prove a point. I refuse to give in to that inclination. I will NOT.
  • I fell behind in some work things. I’m disappointed in myself. I could barely look at my work peeps in a meeting today. I really could have cried a few times in those 2 hours, honestly. They didn’t get upset with me or anything. I just felt like I could have had more to offer today.
  • I haz a sad.
  • I sort of don’t wanna do anything this weekend (any more). Weird, I know.

It’s Thankful Thursday. I need to be thankful. I will in my next post. I was supposed to post pictures of my Denmark goodies today. I don’t feel like. Maybe tomorrow (again)? We’ll see. I’m gonna do Thankful Thursday. Just as soon as I’ve sat on the floor in the corner of my office and had a moment. I’ll wash my face and pat it dry like it’s a new day, come to my computer, put in some work, and be THANKFUL. Stay tuned for that one.

When you’re expressing the way that you feel, how important is it that the person you’re confiding in understands you? Do you necessarily need someone to agree with you when you’re upset about something? How do you get past something that you can’t/won’t address? I know you may be lost with my bullet points, but from what you can tell, am I being a crazy person? Do you think that meal-sharing is intimate?

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Comments on: "Rough Day" (25)

  1. I just read a post similar to this one. I believe a person should understand and respect as well as trust you. A relationship is base on trust, thats any kind of relationship.

  2. justrambling said:

    I’m really sorry about the rough day. I think it’s good that you wrote about your crappy, sad day. I know it’s hard to write about things like that, but hopefully you felt just a little bit better after posting it. And Denmark goodies? They can wait until you really want to post them. Writing is all about being honest in my opinion, so if this is how you feel today, then you did a good job writing this post!

    • Thaaaaanks, Ruthiiiiie! 🙂
      I’ve missed you in BloggyLand, and just seeing your name in the comment email thingy made me smile.

      • justrambling said:

        Aaaww 🙂 You are so sweet! I missed you too. 😉 You know, sadness kicked in and I really didn’t feel like writing anymore. So… that’s why I say props to you for writing about it!

  3. You have every right to live by your own morals and beliefs, you’re the one who has to live with you after all! Haha hope that made sense. Sorry you had a bad day :(x

  4. you sound like an amazzinggg girlfriend. also, hugs. times ten. 😀

  5. Sometimes people refuse to see your point, even if they really do understand where you’re coming from, because they don’t want to admit they’re wrong. I hope everything gets better for you! You deserve lots and lots of happiness 🙂

  6. First, sorry the day was a shitter. You make a lot of points and then you finished with a lot of questions. I’m not super and “not” being whatever is wacky with my personality because my childhood was SERIOUSLY wrong. I mean, most people aren’t tortured for a decade of so and by tortured, I mean stuff you can read about used on prisoners of war as “excessive rendition.” So. You can imagine some personal issues.

    That said, one does what one can.

    It’s extremely hard for me to “be content” with people not understanding my feelings. I repress so much, that if I bother trying to be clear with somebody that I “would” share something with, it’s hurtful. Case in point quasi-sister’s repeated poking and prodding over my PTSD. I told her again and again that talking about it HARMS me. That I would literally have repeated panic attacks (which I’d not done in a long, long time) because of HER prodding. “Talking it out” doesn’t happen with PTSD. I believed at the time, she just didn’t get it. How could somebody who doesn’t have it or isn’t a trained professional? Then, I found out it was because she knew somebody else with it and was trying to “fix” her. Little ego punch in there on top of the injury! Yes. It bothers me when somebody just can’t get what I’m saying when I don’t know how much clearer I can be than, “You are going to cause me to have 2-6 months of nightmares and wakeful panic attacks by digging in my crap.”

    Are YOU crazy? I’m sure you know we all have our issues. I may be a true eccentric (regularly told that) and have deep-seated other issues but being crazy to hold meal time as sacred is not crazy. If you have panic attacks over it or feel the need to punish yourself, then yes, something ELSE is going on. By holding it “sacred”? No. Studies have shown shared mealtime is extremely healthy for children and adults alike.

    That’s probably way more than you wanted and probably incomprehensible. I tried to be *specific.* Hope it wasn’t too much!

    • Wow.Zerrrrr. That is some pretty deep, heavy stuff!

      I TOTALLY get what you mean though! My GOSH, I HATE it when people try to make me talk through something that only makes me more upset. GAAAHHH!

      And you hit the nail on the rusty little head. I hardly ever make a point to discuss things. Particularly things that bother me. Most things, I just let fly by. I ignore it, or do my best to ignore it until I forget about it. I also contantly question myself about the things that bother me. I ask myself, “Am I being ridiculous?” “Is this too much to ask?” “Will this person think I’m insane?” “How would I take it if things were the other way around?” Etc, etc. You can imagine how long it takes me, and how hard it is for me, to actualyl confront things. Especially things that I realize people can really, REALLY have different opinions on. So to be totally unvalidated and told that I’m being “sinister” or a negative Nancy, or making no sense, and being made to feel that way is really not on my top ten list.

      My GOSH, you don’t know how much better I feel knowing that I’m NOT. the ONLY. FREAKING. ONE. Good grief. At least there is another person in the world who gets it.

      Thaaank you for your comment. 🙂

      • Relieved it made any sense AND helped. My thing about “confrontation” (but to me the slightest boundary-discussion FEELS huge) is I’m afraid; deeply afraid the person will never speak to me again, afraid they’ll become violent (even though I know this is a bit exaggerated, it’s based upon history of things that really happened for perhaps “nothing”). In a way, it’s crazy but crazy to not draw and hold a boundary. Boundaries aren’t impermeable, though, but they need to be recognized (by all parties) and if forgotten or missed, reiterated.

        And that is SO HARD! You rock.

  7. urgh, I hate getting rough days. I get them all. the. time.

    jules
    http://andsuddenlyisee.wordpress.com

  8. madtante: Yesss! Same, same, same! We are sisters. Or something like that.
    Thanks. 🙂

  9. Jules: Awesome! Gonna check it out on the weekend.

  10. You’re stronger than me, thats for sure hun. <3.

    You write well:)

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