A random, eclectic mix of thoughts, feelings, observations, and experiences – LIFE

If you’re an easily offended Christian, you may not want to read this. You still can. And should. And you could even comment if you like. 

I find this hilarious every time I come across it and read it. Decided to share it today.

Ever get tired of people throwing Bible verses at you, and using religion as an excuse for condemning homosexuality? Well, this is something I came across many years ago, and I still laugh every time I read it.

On her radio show, Dr Laura Schlesinger said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, penned by a US resident, which was posted on the Internet. It’s funny, as well as informative:


Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God’s Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination… End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God’s Laws and how to follow them.

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can’t I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness – Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord – Lev.1:9. The problem is, my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath.Exodus 35:2. clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination – Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don’t agree. Can you settle this? Are there ‘degrees’ of abomination?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle- room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn’t we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God’s word is eternal and unchanging.

Your adoring fan.

James M. Kauffman, Ed.D. Professor Emeritus Dept. of Curriculum, Instruction, and Special Education University of Virginia

Source: http://www.ghanaweb.com/GhanaHomePage/NewsArchive/artikel.php?ID=217897

On a serious note, can we not agree that The Bible is… Well… Ancient? The Old Testament is nice for history, but I don’t know about its usefulness and relevance in the world today. I mean, even in Bible times they realized that there was a need for the updated version of God’s Word. Judge now, a zillion years later. Okay, so it hasn’t been that long. But still. I think God should speak to some holy men so they could write us a Newer Testament. No? I think I’ll talk Him about this directly.




Comments on: "Funny Letter to a Bible-Thumper" (10)

  1. LOL! Good luck with that, I hope he speaks to you fully. But I agree.
    When I am studying I tend to think how is this affective for today? What if this doesn’t mean that 20 chapters later. (as you can see I am just beginning this studying stuff but I am enjoying it) 🙂

  2. I like this a lot! I think that #5 is my favorite or maybe # 9 because I am a huge football fan. I have family members who always, let me stress ALWAYS throw bible verses at every situation. I may have to copy this letter for them to check out.

    • Your family would LOVE that, right? Lol.
      I’ve had a few debates and Q&A sessions with my aunt (who is a pastor at her church) which have been quite interesting. I’m not confrontational, so it didn’t get loud/dirty/sour. Yay!

  3. Hahahahaahha. I hope so too! I’d like clarification on some things.
    Some things seem a bit contradictory too. It’s quite the journey, reading The Bible. I like Proverbs best. So simple and applicable to everyday life.

  4. This post had me LOL-ing out loud! Thanks, I needed that today:)

  5. I’m a christian and I’d like to say this post doesn’t OFFEND me. It’s actually funny. Think about your race for a second (Caucasian, African, African-american, Jamaican, Asian, Latin-American, etc…) would you be more offended by someone outside your race making fun of you OR someone within your race misrepresenting you? Personally, I’d be more offended by the latter i.e. someone claiming to share my beliefs but skewing them. In any case, Dr. Schlesinger practices (or practiced) Judaism (not Christianity) but there are Christians who misrepresent Christianity all the time and that’s more likely to offend.

    Christians believe (by faith) that the Bible is the word of God. Because we believe that, we apply it to our lives. We don’t use it to cross the street obviously but its relevance goes way beyond Proverbs. People tend to pick and choose verses regardless of context — a mistake. The old testament is full of laws (such as the killing of lambs for the atonement of sin) but Christ came (in the new testament) to obey the law, teach us how to love each other and offered Himself as the ultimate sacrifice (by his death and resurrection) making laws such as the killing of lambs for atonement obsolete and replacing the “eye for an eye” mentality with “love each other as I (Christ) have loved you”.

    I don’t struggle with homosexuality but there are people who do. Should I condemn them? No. Do I agree with their lifestyle? No. Am I better than homosexuals? NO. Never have been, never will be. I have other things that I struggle with and every sin is worthy of condemnation. This means that whatever sin we do struggle with, is a problem and (Christians) are encouraged to pray for more grace to depart from evil. Don’t let any Christian deceive you into thinking he/she is perfect. We all struggle with sin but we understand that it is possible to overcome it by the grace of God and because of Christ’s sacrifice.

    If by “an updated version of God’s word” you’re referring to the New Testament, i don’t think it’s that simple. The New Testament is based on Christ’s coming to earth in human form (His death, burial, resurrection and ascension into heaven), the lives of the early disciples, letters to the the early church and the signs of things to come. The old testament may seem “ancient” because it’s based on the events before Christ’s sacrifice and we now follow Christ (as opposed to the laws of Moses) but it’s still very relevant as it gives more insight into the nature of God. That’s all I have to say 🙂

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