Pregnant?! Not me!

Day 28 – If you were pregnant, or got someone pregnant, what would you do?

This is pretty cut and dry for me. I’d start prenatal care right away. I would pay more attention to my diet. I would start crunching numbers. It would be difficult to support myself and a child at this staff. It would actually be challenging enough to support myself as a pregnant woman, going to doctor’s appointments, having scans and tests done, and paying for the actual delivery.

I’m sure I would obsess about a few things. Do I want to have the child here, or in the states? Is it possible to have the child in Canada? Do I want a hospital birth? Would I prefer a midwife? Do I need to start eating more red meat? How will I afford anything? Who will help me with the big purchases? What kind of support system will I have?

My family is very by The Book. By that, I mean The Bible. Unmarried and having a baby? No bueno. Major problem. My cousin had a baby at 37, and that was a huge deal. I don’t particularly want to have controversy surrounding my pregnancy. I’d like to have a happy, healthy pregnancy.

Now is definitely not the time for me to have babies. I want children very much, but only under the right circumstances. I need to have a comfortable home, and the ability to financially support them. Babe and I should also have the knot tied (so to speak) before we start popping out babies.

I should note that my views aren’t as stringent as those of family (obviously), and they are not likely to be pleased whenever I become pregnant. At the end of the day, they will accept it because they’ll suddenly recall some scriptures that suggest forgiveness and unconditional love. My great-grandmother would be pleased to have another great-great-grandchild (my unmarried younger cousin beat the rest of us to the deal, and it wasn’t impressive to anyone), and my grandmothers would enjoy being great-grandmothers (though I’ve been beat in both cases – hahaha). My parents and the whole grandparenting thing? Problem won’t be very exciting. Hahahaha. Oh, well. They’ll have to suck it up.

Yep. So now is not the time, but if (and I have no idea HOW) I became pregnant, I would deal with it. I’d figure it out, somehow.

Crazy

Day 27 – What’s the best thing going for you right now?

Why is this so hard? Maybe because it’s kind of vague. I’ve had this tab open for hours. The best thing going for me definitely isn’t my decisiveness right now. Lol. I AM decisive though. Just saying.

The best thing going for me… Hmmm… Let’s go with something super generic (because my brain is lazy right now) and say PERSONALITY! WOO!

I should probably zero in on something a bit more specific. My feathers (I’m a peacock, P.S.) aren’t easily ruffled. I have a pretty quiet spirit, and usually appear to be very calm, controlled, and at peace. Particularly at work. I leave my home life at home. I don’t bring personal issues with me. I don’t take work home with me. The two are separate and apart. Things may happen at home that frustrate me, but when I get to work, I’m sort of a different person. It’s the same deal the other way around. I make a special effort not to beat anyone with the stick of another person. Everyone gets beaten with their own stick around here!

Blaaah. Nothing else to say on this one.

On another note, I had a small breakdown last night. I’ve recently been stuck taking the yucky stinky bus to and from work. Yeah, that’s how sad it makes me. I thought I was coping well. Not really. I hate it. Hate it, hate it, hate it. My bicycle is still at the old place. Hopefully, we can move it tomorrow evening. THEN, I’ll have to figure out how to make it all the way to work in all the work/school traffic and avoid the highway.

Anyway, more on how much I hate the bus and why, and the route I’ll have to take later. In another post. On to my breakdown. Yesterday wasn’t too bad. I worked at this job I really dislike, but whatever. I walked downtown (25 minutes) to get the bus. For a change, it was actually there. It was full. It stayed full. It was gross. I got home, and Babe was there to greet me. I held my hands out and said, “Don’t touch me!” before the warm embrace could happen. I stripped and went in the shower. Except the water was cold. I said the-f-word. Yes, I did. SO unlike me. I usually cop out and say, “Eff,” or “Flick,” or something like that. Not yesterday evening. I said THE f-word. ENUNCIATED it. I mean, with power. Not loudly, but with power. You know when the “CK” has the extra something? It was like “Fah cryin’ out loud.” Without the “ryin’ out loud” part. Yeah. It was bad.

I flipped the heater switch and sat on the commode, bent forward so my head was between my legs, and did something. I don’t know. Maybe I cried a little? No. I think I mumbled to myself or something. Sighed a lot. Finally, I figured the water would be hot enough, so I went in the shower. I got in, and started to calm down. Eyes closed and everything. Then, it felt really hot. I opened my eyes and looked around. The bathroom door was closed. Babe closed the door! I was pissed. It seems ridiculous, I know, but I WAS. WHY close the door?! Yes, I hear you in there trying to lay down some tracks or demo songs or whatever, but why did you close the door?! Don’t you know it’s HOT in here?! Then I realized that the window wasn’t even open. I started to open it, but it was too hard for me to do because the window operator was kind of stuck between the blinds or something. This is all very melodramatic, I know. I cried. I quickly got clean, got out of the shower, opened the door, and went into the spare room. I took down the blow-up mattress and laid my towelled self onto it. I stayed there until Babe said it was time to eat. Since we needed walls and doors between us, and my crying and moaning probably wouldn’t have been good for the recording or whatever was going on. I did it for Babe. And for me. As a take-THAT in response to the closed door.

It’s weird. I know why the door was closed. I understood it. I still resented it. It was like a wall between us or something. When I needed closeness. But only AFTER a shower. I was annoyed that I wasn’t considered in the decision (yes, this is ridiculous) to close the door. The heat was not considered. THIS added to the fact that the water was not preheated for me, in anticipation of my need for a shower upon my arrival. And I rode the STINKING BUS. YUCK. And I haven’t cycled in over a week.

I know it’s all crazy. I was like a spoiled brat. It was awful. And it made me more upset/annoyed at myself/and cry more knowing that I was being ridiculous. And knowing that none of this was Babe’s fault. But poor Babe was sucked into it. I never talked about it. I didn’t say how I felt about the door (because I knew it was stupid – lol), and I didn’t say why I went into the other room. I just left it. No questions were asked. I wonder if it was noticed. Probably. I was horrible. Veryunspeaking, uninteresting, and unresponsive. I feel terrible about it. If we had gas, I would bake Babe a cake.

I’m not a crazy person. I’m really not. I just have these crazy moments every few months or something. Funny that this happened after yesterday’s post though, right?

Has one little thing ever set you off on some crazy emotional thingy? Ever known that you were being ridiculous WHILE you were being ridiculous? How do you get yourself to be rational when all you want to do is be irrational and find a reason to be annoyed with someone? (I’m dying laughing at the last question. I’m crazy. I lied.)

Naturally 7

Day 25 – The reason you believe you’re still alive today.

GRACE. That’s all I can really say on that. Grace. And mercy.

I’m glad this came up. Seems like the perfect time to introduce one of my FAVOURITE bands. They are AWESOME. We all know about acapella. We’ve seen and heard it done a million times. Yes, it can be great. It can be brilliant. But WAIT. There is something MUCH GREATER.

VOCAL PLAY.

This group. Is. AMAZING. They do VOCAL PLAY. Don’t know what that is? Believe me when I tell you that your life is about to get waaayyy better. And your mind may be blown. Actually, I’m pretty sure it will be. And I’m smart. So you’dbetter wear a helmet before you go any further.

The group is called Naturally 7. 7 guys. 7 very good looking guys, by the way. *whistles* They sing with no musical instruments like drums, bass, guitars, pianos, etc. But there IS music. And the instruments are their voices. YES. They MAKE THE SOUNDS OF OTHER INSTRUMENTS. WITH THEIR VOICES. I know you don’t believe. So I’m going to give it to you on a platter. Right now. Taste and see. Well… Watch and listen. Whatever.

My FAVOURITE of the songs they sing is Say You Love Me. This one doesn’t showcase all that they can do, but it’s my favourite, so it has to be the first (with vocal play).

I should have also mentioned by this point that this is a gospel group. The guys are all Christians. None of their music is secular.

This is where your mind will be blown. Please. Take a moment to click (to fasten) the little strappy thing under your chin. I don’t want brain matter splattering everywhere.

Yeah. That’s real. No faking. I saw them in concert TWICE. I kept looking for the hidden stuff. Nothing. It’s all them. I promise you.

Check this out. They really saaaaang this popular song, Broken Wings.

This is another of my favourites. It really shows what they can do. Remind yourself as you listen to this that everything you hear is made up of the voices of 7 guys. That’s it.

Sometimes, they kinda stick to acapella. Like in this song:

Still amazing, right? Yeah, I know. I wish I could take credit for it.

Now, I have to highlight the skills of my personal favourites, because I’m biased like that.

Yeaaaah! Happy Sunday!

Playlist for Babe

Day 24 – Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs.

A playlist for My Baaaabe!

 

Look At Me Now – Karmin (Cover)

Because from the moment I saw this online, I loved it, and I kneeew you would too. I knew you would get all excited about it, and we would love it together.

 

Stereo Love – Edward Maya feat. Vika Jigulina

Because this song played pretty much every time I was ever at your place.

 

Wavin’ Flag – K’naan feat. will.i.am, David Guetta

Because every time I hear it, I hear you singing it, putting that “magic” special spin on it.

 

Power – Kanye West

Because one of the first times we went out, when I took you back to your place, you insisted that I had to see this video. We talked about this song in depth on the car ride to your place. It was hilarious. Annnd I know you still don’t remember that night.

 

Just The Way You Are – Bruno Mars

Because you are the most effortlessly beautiful person. Period. I really could kiss your lips all day, and I DO love your laugh… Your eyes do put the stars to shame… Perfection is what you are. Perfect to me. And for me. You’re amazing.

 

Only Girl – Rihanna

Because this is this way I want to feel forever. The way I want it to be. The only one.

 

Love You Like A Love Song – Selena Gomez

I heard this on the radio, and immediately had to look up the lyrics. I really only heard the chorus, and thought, THIS. IS. MY. LIFE. I love you like a love song. And I really do keep hitting repe-pe-pe-pe-peat.

 

Firework – Katy Perry

Because, clearly, you are. And there should never be a minute that you don’t remember it.

 

Forever and For Always – Shania Twain

Because it’s our song. The one that makes us feel like jelly. And get all hair-raised and prickly feeling. And smiling from the inside out. Because it’s your song to me, and my song to you.

 

Pretty Baby – Vanessa Carlton

This song make me smile every single time I hear it. Just like you make me smile every single time I see you. And this is one of the first songs you ever sang to me. On Skype. Sweetest thing ever.

 

Words – Anthony David feat. India Arie

Because it’s everything I feel in so many moments with you.

 

Cuppycake – Amy Castle

Because. You. Are. Sooo dearrr!

Back to 30 Days of Truth

Day 21: (Scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?

Yeah, I’ve been slacking on these 30 days of truth. It’s not because I’m determined to lie. No one said the days of truth had to be on a stretch, uninterrupted. Right? And then I got stuck on certain prompts. Some, I felt like I didn’t have time to approach, and needed to wait until I had enough time to properly answer. This one, I just think is really lame, and I don’t have much to say. I wanted to find a clever way to skip it. Didn’t. Hahaha.

So… If that happened, I’d do whatever is instinctive. This may seem a bit much, but this is the way my brain works, ok? I need to break this down into possibilities. Consider it a personal favour that I don’t break down the fight (petty vs. serious, resolved issues vs. unresolved issue, etc.).

LIVES – If he/she lives, he/she could be in different situations.

LIVES + UNCONSCIOUS – Visit daily. Encourage him/her to come back/wake up.

LIVE + CONSCIOUS – He/she could be at home or in the hospital (won’t get into different areas), different conditions (critical/stable/fair/good, emotional states of being, possible memory loss. The way I approach it would depend on all that, but I’d definitely take care of any unfinished business. Apologize where necessary, explain what needs to be explained, help him/her through whatever is going on.

Okay, I’m not going to break it down any further than that. It’s probably enough to say that I’d be there. I would make every effort to be as present as possible. I’d fulfil my best friend duties, without a doubt. (This is assuming that the fight wasn’t about something outrageous like him/her killing my spouse without my express permission.) I may feel bad about the fight we had right before it happened, but I don’t think I’d blame myself or beat myself up about it because arguments happen – some for good reason, others just because… I don’t know. I’d just hope and pray for the best possible outcome and do my part, whatever that is.

 

 

Unidentical Ears (Day 12 of 30 Days of Truth)

Day 12 – Something you never get compliments on

People dish out compliments on some weird things sometimes. Sometimes, they miss out obvious things. Maybe because they think some things are over-complimented. Maybe it’s because they feel like it breaks them down to build someone else up. It’s so much easier to “hate” on a person than it is to say, “You know what? This certain thing in particular about you… It really freaking ROCKS, and you should know it.” Or they just don’t take the time to notice. Or feel the need to comment. Or a million other reasons. *shrugs*

What do I never get complimented on? This is tough. I’ve even been complimented on my feet, and I think that is just STRANGE. My feet are not great, by any means.

*thinks really hard*

Oh, I know! My ears! No one ever tells me I have great ears. People tell me I’m a great listener all the time, but they don’t seem to notice the body parts that make it possible. It’s a shame, really. I do have great ears. They’re beautiful. They’re even more special now. They don’t match. I had surgery on my right ear, and it’s not quite like the left one any more.

The Surgery Story

Tragus Piercing (Google Images)

I got my tragus pierced in July 2010. It was quick, easy, and painless. It looks great. I’ve never taken the ring out of it. It’s a captive bead ring. Stainless steel. Plain and simple. I get compliments on it all the time. People think is super cute and different. I just plain like it. Ok. Fast forward to 2011. I decide I want my rook pierced. It’s super cute. I want the barbell. I get Babe to go with me to have it done before we headed to Atlantis to chaperone my nephew’s sleepover. I looked at the chart of the ear and its various piercings and decide that I should do the snug first. Those would be my last two piercings. The snug, and then the rook. I choose a ring with green balls on the ends. I’m excited. I get it pierced. It doesn’t really hurt. Feels fine. I’m thrilled.

WELL. Days later, it’s quite swollen. And red. And oozing. I clean it like I’m supposed to. I insist that it’s fine and it should be swollen and a bit oozy at first because of where it is. I keep going back to the piercer who tells me it’s fine, and we just need to keep squeezing it to get the crap out. Eventually, she takes the ring out, and I go there daily to have it squeezed. Weeks later, Babe has had enough. It’s far too large. It even looks painful. She calls a relative who is a doctor and he suggests we see a particular doctor. A plastic surgeon.

Here’s how the visit went:

[Doctors enters room]

Doctor: Ok, so what can I do for you toda— WHAT. DID YOU DO. TO YOUR EAR?!

Me: [nervous laugh] Pierced it.

Doctor: Oh, my GOD.

Me: Oh. No. It’s not good if you’re saying, “Oh, my GOD.”

Doctor: No. It isn’t good. Your ear is badly infected.

Me: [blinks] Oh.

Doctor: We are going to have to operate. Right now.

Me: NOW?!

Doctor: Yes, right away. We can do it here. It’s very serious.

Me: [tears roll down cheeks]

Doctor: Listen. We have to do this. You could lose your entire ear. We’re going to try to save it.

Me: [cries]

Doctor: Do you want to call someone?

Me: *shakes head*

Doctor: Ok, this is what is going to happen. [foreign language and combinations of words I'm not listening to at all b/c my brain is stuck on SURGERY when I thought I'd come in, and he'd use a needle really quickly to drain my ear.]

Me: [cries quietly]

Doctor: Are you sure you don’t want to call someone? Is that your friend out in the waiting area?

Me: Yes.

Doctor: Do you want me to call her?

Me: *nods while crying quietly*

[Doctor goes out of room. He comes back with T who looks very somber and sits down next to me and hold my hand. The doctor explains that he'll do the surgery in house which is better than going to a hospital and staying overnight. He tells us that he will stick me a few times to numb my ear, then he'll make two incisions (one at the front and one at the back of my ear) to drain the infection out. He makes it clear that he will do his best, but can't guarantee that he can save my ear, or that it will ear look the same again. This is when I cry more. T makes a call to my sister to let her know what was up. My sister wants to be there, but she can't leave work due to a training session. She calls our older sister who is off from work (not feeling well), and jumps up and flies to the doctor's office to be with me.]

RANDOM NOTE: PEOPLE. PLEASE. Piercings are really cool, but BE CAREFUL. Do your research. find the best piercer possible. Ask questions. If anything seems wrong, go back to your piercer. If you have any doubt about what he/she says, see someone else. Another piercer. A doctor. Even at a walk-in clinic. Online forums are good too. I posted ONE picture, and they told me right away that something was VERY wrong.

Well, the procedure took a few minutes. T held my hand the whole time, and my sister rubbed my leg and told funny stories. I just laid there, quietly crying. When it was done, the doctor had to pack my ear with gauze, to give it shape. The infection ate away at my cartilage, so he really had to build it back. My entire ear was covered when he was done, and the gauze was wrapped around my head. I looked like I could have just had brain surgery. This was done on a Monday. I went back on Wednesday and Friday for dressing changes. By the next week, I didn’t need the full headwrap. I could dress it myself. But I didn’t. T did it for me. Every day and night. About a week after that, I graduated to just a bandaid at the back because the front had healed. I refused to look at it for about a 2 weeks. It was dark and weird-looking. As the doctor promised, it has lightened up and shaped pretty nicely. My right ear still doesn’t match my left ear, but I still have it. I can still hear. And listen. So it’s okay if people don’t think it’s pretty.

Please Keep Yours Hands in the Vehicle (Day 10 of 30 Days of Truth)

Day 10 – Someone you need to let go or wish you didn’t know

My hands are always full. There’s no room to hold on to anything I don’t want or need. If it’s not good for me, I just drop it in favour of something better. Even if it’s just being able to hold on, more comfortably, to things I already have. I’m not one of those hanging-on people. I just can’t do it. As a matter of fact, I may be the type to let go of things prematurely. I just don’t like waste. Time, energy, resources… All too precious and limited. Must not be wasted.

I’m thinking really hard about this as I type. Is there someone? [5 minute pause] I really don’t think there is. I try to keep it clean and simple. It’s important that we sit in the driver’s seat of our lives. Not only to sit there and look like we’re in charge, but to really drive it. Like a car. Steer the wheel. Swerve out of the way (as safely as possible) when something’s coming at you that you really don’t need to crash into. Stop at the red light, and watch traffic go in the other direction. Take time to think about which way you’ll go. Get to 4-way stops where you follow the rules and let other people move first if they beat you there. Use OnStar if you really need some help, but keep your own thinking cap (driving goggles?) on. Be in control. Drop people off at their destinations. Don’t feel like you have to take them along for the entire ride. That’s really the key, isn’t it? Ever sat in the driver’s seat, but realized that a PASSENGER was taking YOU for a ride? Ha! No bueno!

Are you catching my drift? Is this making sense? My ride is so sweet; a lot of people wanna get a ride. I’m okay with running the occasional taxi service, but I get to decide on the route we’re taking, and when it’s time to get out… Buddy, get outta the car.

Anyone who needed to be kicked (left on) the curb has been already. There may be people riding my car now that will have to be dropped off at the next destination. Who knows?! I don’t, at this point, so for now, I’m enjoying the view as we take on these rolling hills, feeling the wind whip through my (1cm long) hair. Everyone still in the vehicle can fasten their seatbelts and keep their hands inside. They may be in it for the long haul.

Internet Me (Day 9 of 30 Days of Truth)

Day 9 – Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted

No one really comes to mind, no matter how many times I read this question. I haven’t kept in touch with many people from previous stages of my life, and it hasn’t been intentional. I guess it’s due more to lack of intention and/or action. I don’t feel the need to aggressively, specifically, intentionally keep people in my life. I’m sure that if they should be in my life, they would be. [insert quote about people being in your life for reasons, seasons, etc. here]

I’m not in touch with people from elementary school, though a lot of them were the same people I went to high school with. (I went to a K-12 private school.) Well, to be fair, the people I was close to at any point in life are probably friends of mine on Facebook. See, that’s the thing. These days, there really isn’t much room to be “out of touch” with anyone. You may not be buddy-buddy, going to the movies, hitting clubs, grabbing drinks in bars, sitting side-by-side at random events any more, but you can still feel like these people are a part of your life, and you a part of theirs. It’s all because we have instant, easy access to people’s LIVES. Pictures, videos, status updates (however frequent or infrequent), twitter feeds, blogs, and personal websites. Who needs the telephone?! Who needs to hang out in REAL LIFE?! Answer: No one.

We’ve come a long way, haven’t we? In two directions at once. In some ways we’ve made giant steps forward, and in a lot of ways we’ve made gigantic steps back. I’m connected (via various internet sensations) to people I probably would have lost all contact with/for a long time ago. Is this a good thing? Yeah, probably. When we use such technology, we have the option to make a real connection if we’d like to. That’s nice to know. If I ever wanted to reconnect with my 2nd roommate in university, I could search for her on Facebook and send her a message. We could arrange a Skype call if we live too far apart. WALAH! It’s like magic.

There are a lot of people I didn’t intentionally “let go,” but we managed to drift apart. That’s fine with me. I won’t lament or stress about it. It’s FINE. We can reconnect if we WANT to. And that’s what’s important.

3 Short Stories (Day 8 of 30 Days of Truth)

Day 8 – Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like $#!+

 

First of all, my life is not hell, and never has been. *shrugs* Very few people have ever had the power to make me feel otherwise. None of them have ever used or abused it. Yes, there have been some rough patches. There are days when I wished I’d just stayed in bed. Sometimes I’m disappointed. Some people, at some point(s), have been less than I thought they were or could be. Sometimes, my expectations are not met. Does this make my life hell? Not even close. Would I bother to call anyone out about it? Ummm… Probably not. Can I recount a few experiences for your entertainment [read: bleeding heart] purposes? Sure! Would it be fun to read? Ummm… I don’t know. Maybe in a Oh-my-gosh-that-never-happened-to-me! or a Oh-my-goshness-me-too-girl! or Girlfriend-that-reminds-me-of-this-one-time, or Sistah-I-can-SO-top-that-story sort of way. Let’s see…

One time, in the fifth grade, the teacher decided that for the art session of class (we only had separate teachers for library, physical education, and music), we would draw the person sitting across from us. You can already tell where this is going, can’t you? The boy sitting across from me drew a terrible picture. He didn’t mean to. He just sucked at drawing. Similar to the way that I sucked at drawing. (I still suck at it, by the way. If it’s not a square, circle, rectangle, or triangle, I should just not do it.) Anyway. I hated the picture. Somehow, I internalized it and made his poor drawing my ugliness. Or something. So I cried. It was terrible. We graduated high school together. He still remembered that day.

I got braces in the third grade. It was ignorant. I didn’t even have all of my permanent teeth yet. Like, REALLY?! The orthodontist clearly just wanted the money. WHY would you put braces on a child who hasn’t changed all of his/her teeth yet?! WHY?! Because you’re a jerk, and you just want his/her parents’ money. This idiot… I had braces until the SEVENTH GRADE. No, my teeth were not that jacked up. Actually, I just had a slight space between my two front teeth and a very slight overbite. I was willing to live with it. My mother was not. The result? Three years (I skipped the fourth grade, in case you’re doing the math) of braces when it could’ve been a year or less. Gosh. I just realized that I’m still pissed about this. To add to it, the day I got the braces, teeth all sensitive and everything, my mother cooked STEAK. Yep. STEAK. That hard meat. With baked potato (thank heaven!) and corn ON THE COB. Yep. ON THE COB. She basically had to cut the steak up so small that I couldn’t taste it, and cut the corn off of the cob. She also apologized the whole time I ate. She didn’t plan that meal with me or my brand new mouth accessory in mind. *exhales heavily* I feel much better now that I’ve let that out. *throws the memory and accompanying feelings out into the ocean*

In university, I semi-dated this guy… He was nice enough to me. He pretty much showered me with everything. Cooked for me, accompanied me on errands, introduced me to people, supported me in my goals, etc. Soon enough, things got weird. I became more of an accessory than a person. I realized I was being coerced into attending events I really had zero interest in even hearing about. Yep… a guy was dragging me along and SHOWING ME OFF. We’d be in an elevator like normal people until other people entered. Then he’d be all arm-around-my-waist-ish. People even started commenting about him making it a POINT to let people know that we were together. It was ridiculous. At first it was kind of cute, but that wore off SUPER FAST. I was like, “Dude, this is weird. I don’t like. K, bye.” He was all like, “Woman, no! You will not leave me! We will get married! Everyone will know that you are MIIIIINE [echoes]!” I was all like a track star running away, and he was all like the most villainous villain you’ve ever seen, zapping me and lassoing me and stuff. We had a fight. Verbal, physical… All that jazz. It wasn’t much fun, but we did it anyway. And then he got arrested. And I got counselling. Yeah.

So, there you have it. Three moments (involving people) in my not-quite-three-decades of life that weren’t stellar. They didn’t rock my world. Or even my VERY COOL socks. (Do you know about my love for super cool socks?) They were difficult. In different ways. Still, they didn’t define me, or my life. They’re just pieces of the puzzles. Brick of the wall. Ingredients in the cake. (Definitely not the icing) You know, the raw egg doesn’t taste great by itself. Neither does the flour. Or baking soda/power. But put together with a few other (some slightly or WAY better tasting) things, a beautiful cake is made. My life is cake. Cake is my life. (I mean this in so many ways, you have no idea.) We all have some raw eggs, dry, tasteless flour, and stuff like that, but we also have cocoa powder, vanilla extract, sugar, and stuff like THAT. Mix it up. Put it together. In the RIGHT way… And we end up with a cake. Life is what you make of it, right? Similarly, cake is what you make it… All about how you combine those ingredients… What you DO with them. The oven it bakes in may feel like (your idea of) hell, but 10 minutes to cool and a little frosting, and WALAH! Stick some candles in it, and call it a HAPPY BIRTHDAY! 

Hopeful Wife and Mother (Day 5 of 30 Days of Truth)

Day 5 – Something you hope to do in your life

Hopes and dreams. Wants and wishes. Aren’t we all full of them? It’s funny, I have so many things that I hope/dream/want/wish to do, yet one really stands out. I want to have a family of my own. I want to be a wife. I want to be a mom. To four or five children.

I’ve always been open to a lot of things in terms of education, career, hobbies… I pretty much know what I like and what I want, but I’m willing to change it up a little. One thing that has not changed since I was a little girl is my desire to have my own family.

I see myself getting up in the morning to make breakfast. Waking up my children. Getting them ready for school. Being a taxi service, driving them to and from school and various other activities. I see myself helping children with homework, making fun snacks, ensuring that meals are well-balanced. I see myself asking, “Did you remember to take your vitamins?” “Did you pack an extra bottle of water?” “Who left the [xyz] in the [abc]?”

I see family portraits. I see holiday dinners. I see family vacations. I see school plays, recitals, report card days… I see all of it.

It’s all very exciting to me. I watch days and years slip by, and watch myself get older, and I wonder WHENNNNN?! Whennnnn is this going to happen? I’m not even married yet. Is it in the future? Sure. I think. When? I don’t know. 

These things, we can’t really plan. I always thought it funny when people would try to plan their lives, and say, “Oh, I’m gonna get married when I’m 25, and when I’m 26, I’ll have my first baby.” I never planned to that extent. I’ve had benchmark-type thingies. I’ve known that I’d rather not start having children when I’m 34. I’d like to be done by that time. I’ve always wanted my children to be 1-2 years apart. I want them to be able to relate to one another, play together, give each other advice, etc. I’ve hoped for 2 boys and 3 girls. I’ve hoped to have at least one boy before the girls come along. But these are all ideals in my head. Nothing is in stone. And I know that it’s something I simply can’t plan. I just have to see how it all turns out. And live with my proverbial fingers crossed. You can cross your for me too. *glances at left ring finger* It looks like I may need it.