Posts tagged ‘humour’
Ten Things That Have Made Me Laugh Lately
1. Last Friday night I was thrown into Twitter Jail. I walked out of my office and my husband asked, “What’s wrong?” I told him and he said, “Don’t get your hopes up.” Apparently he’s ALSO aware of what’s expected of him in Twitter Jail.
2. My 6 year old daughter got my mediterranean genes (okay, I’m only 25% italian but my husband is PASTY!) and gets extremely tan in the summer. The other night my husband (a staunch Republican) commented on how brown she’d gotten. “I may be brown, but I still don’t like Barack Obama!” she said. We all laughed hysterically but I was pretty proud of the fact that she’s made it to 6 years old and thinks that the only difference between the races is a healthy application of sun screen
3. It’s been HOT here lately. My home office (i.e. the spare bedroom – which is only spare because the boys and girls share rooms) is about 20 degrees warmer than the rest of the house because I have to keep the door shut to keep the creeps kids out so I’ve taken to wearing my new sportsbras as shirts. I just walked into the kitchen and my husband looked at me like he needed something, “Yes?” I asked. Then I recognized the look he was giving me. “I mean ‘No.’” I told him. He laughed and said, “What do you mean porkchop?”
4. I’m making my sons write stories every day that fill at least one page of an 8.5″x11″ notebook. My husband thinks it’s summer vacation and I’m mean. The first day the boys bitched and moaned and called me names and turned in stories that were 5 lines of text with 23 lines of “illustrations.” And then they got into it. Two days ago my oldest wrote a story about alien invaders being repelled by an incumbent army. In the last paragraph it’s revealed that the “alien invaders” are actually microbes and the incumbent army are actually white blood cells! Take that Mister “It’s Summer Can’t You Just Leave Them Alone?”
5. I took the kids to the beach today but my husband stayed home to do some yardwork, including shaping some of the shrubbery in our front yard. We got home late and the kids were exhausted but as we passed by one of the bushes my 4yo glanced up, nodded and said, “Nice Haircut.” and kept walking.
6. I shouldn’t have laughed but at dinner tonight my 4yo daughter excused herself very politely to go to the bathroom. She walked down the hall but came back immediately. I looked at her curiously. “I thought I had to poop but I just had to toot.” she said.
7. We went out for dinner on Friday night to a very old and historic pizzeria in the North End of Boston. The food was delicious and after a day of walking through the city we were exhausted. We all sat there in a food coma until my daughter said, “Let’s blow this clam shack.”
8. Saturday my husband’s friend and his new wife met us at the beach for a day of sun and fun. Then we moved inside for dinner and several drinks. (I was drinking Diet Coke.) When it was time to leave I took the driver’s seat. My son asked for help buckling his car seat. My husband reached over the center console from the passenger side. “I can’t get it.” he told my son. “I bet those beers didn’t help.” my son answered.
9. My sons started football tonight. My son – who cannot sit still for .3 seconds – listened to the offense and then answered every single question correctly about where the ball was, was supposed to be and where the holes are. Alle-fucking-luiah I think we finally found something that can match his enthusiasm.
10. My ipad shipped from China. It is on a 12+ hour flight to California. I KNOW this and yet I have clicked refresh on the tracking site approximately 75,000 times since it left at 7am this morning. I am to get to 100,000 because… iPAD. *squee*